ZADR Drabbles and Oneshots
by AsianCutie93
Summary: Drabble 24- "Oh Father! Bless the greatness that is I, for I have horrifically sinned." Dib cringed. The diction and arrogance made him recognize right away who was on the other side of the confessional. The elder male had been a thorn on his backside, and pestered the young priest for several weeks.
1. Coming Out to the Family

This is where I'm going to write my ZADR drabbles, oneshots, and things like that. All of them will be rated T and under.

Title: Coming Out to the Family

Rated: T

Summary: Dib tells his father and sister that he is seeing Zim.

Word Count: 605 words

* * *

"I'm gay," Dib said on one of the few mornings the family spent together on the weekends. His father glanced up once from the newspaper article that was describing his brilliance, but said nothing at first. Gaz continued sipping her milk.

"Was this supposed to be surprising son? You never did show any interest in girls, even when you reached puberty at the precise age of eleven." Professor Membrane noted before turning the page. Dib's purple-haired sister got up to get a frozen burrito out of the freezer, and only paused to ask her elder sibling if he wanted one as well. The ebony-haired, young man was shocked at the lack of reaction from his family. Well, perhaps this would cause them to feel some hysteria.

"I'm dating Zim!" He declared.

"Obviously…" Gaz muttered as she put her burrito in the microwave.

"Gaz, is that a breakfast burrito you are about to eat?" The scientist asked his youngest child, as if Dib did not have an outburst.

"Yeah, why?"

"Just making sure that you're eating a proper breakfast honey!" After that was silence. The scythe-haired boy stared at his family in awe. Why were they so… casual about this? Did this not disturb them? It certainly surprised the youthful investigator when he discovered his feelings for Zim and found them reciprocated in the alien life form.

"Isn't anyone going to say something?!" Dib gasped. Professor Membrane sighed and whispered "My poor, insane son…"

"Well?" The younger male groaned this time.

"What is there to say son? Ever since you first met that green boy, you were obsessed with him. Every night you would try to spy on him or get inside his house. I am still disappointed that you left your innocent, little sister alone in the house. But I am not exaggerating when I say that _everyone_ saw the newfound, sexual tension building when it came to you and the other child. I am just glad that the boy and his parents did not charge you for stalking and harassment." Dib's father explained. Gaz grabbed her warm food and returned to the seat closest to her father at the dining table. Dib cocked an eyebrow at his always-unusual family.

"I don't understand you guys. The paranormal stuff annoys you, but my being gay and having an alien boyfriend is perfectly fine?!"

"Son, I thought after bonding with him, you would stop calling the child names. His condition is most likely a mix of being born without ears, Harlequin Ichthyosis, Diabetes, Gout, and exposure to copper. We don't make fun of people because of their looks. As for your sexuality, I'm a scientist son. If I want grandchildren, I can just create them in the lab."

"That still doesn't explain-"

"Dib, shut up. It's way too early." Gaz growled.

"Agreed. While I am glad that you are able to talk about these things with us son, this conversation is not for breakfast time. This is for family-therapy night." Dib sighed and resigned the thought that his family would never understand him and vice versa.

"Whatever. Dad, can Zim sleepover tomorrow night?"

"Sure son, just remember to keep these condoms just in case." Professor Membrane said freely and handed the package to his oldest child.

"Dad! I'm only twelve!" Dib screamed and threw down the box of condoms as if they were fatal to the touch. Now the preteen did not know what was more disturbing. Him dating Zim or the fact his father apparently had a box of condoms in his lab coat that he wore everywhere?

* * *

Hope you liked it. I'm thinking about other drabbles and oneshots to put in here. If you would like, you can submit an idea in a review. :)


	2. Irken Flirting

Title: Irken Flirting

Rated: K+

Summary: Zim hates that Dib is unintentionally flirting with him.

Word Count: 785 words

* * *

Zim groaned and wondered what he had gotten himself into. The Dib-human, why does it have to be him?

The Irken was in severe distress about the situation he was in. He was actually considering about… bonding with the filthy human.

True, his kind did not feel romantic love, but there was pair bonding among his species. Zim's kind was a logical race, and was made to be so. Love was never a factor when it came to two beings forming a bond on his planet.

Everyone found their match because they were equal whether it is their strength or mental abilities. Irkens are usually indifferent towards each other (except when it came to their Tallest) but when they did feel the desire to bond with someone, they challenged the other into combat, conquest, or any debate; it was a quick way of proving equality. According to Irken rules, several tests had to be made so that both parties can prove their true strength. It is only when both sides see that the total of their victories ended in a tie, did the two individuals see that they deserved each other.

The only time Zim had ever been challenged by anyone of his race had been Tak. She was not lying when she said she was fond of Zim. The interest was returned and he would have been even more invested if she had revealed herself as an Irken in the beginning. Tak had ingeniously fooled everyone (including smelly Dib) that she was of human origin, and almost destroyed the Earth. Had it not been for the help of the two Membrane siblings, she would have successfully challenged his abilities as an invader and his desires for destruction. Sadly, the paler Irken never came back to challenge Zim. Perhaps she had given up because she thought she would lose again, but even with that narcissistic thought, Zim felt alone when Tak left. But disgustingly, that void inside him was filled.

But the Dib. Oh how ignorant and careless he was. Every day he challenged and fought the alien, not even realizing what he was doing was essentially flirting. How his quickly threw insults at Zim caused the bright-green foreigner's heart to beat faster. Zim would retort them back with as much speed, not wanting to present himself as inferior. The jade-colored teen wondered why he acted so idiotic and prideful. He could just ignore the brunette, as the other had done to him once when he was briefly caught in the allure of "real science" and his parental unit's approval. But Zim knew that now it was too late. If they were to part, the little, green man knew what his fate was. A life of laziness and sloth, feeling emptiness that he could never fill even if he had an unlimited amount of snacks.

"Hey Zim, got nothing to say now?" Dib quipped as he followed the alien home from school.

"Huh? Oh. Insolent human!" Damn, the cycle that keeps repeating. Zim could feel the blood in his body churning almost violently. The invader never felt as alive as he did when Dib was around. Why couldn't the vermin somehow become an Irken like himself so that Zim did not feel such self-loathing?

"Jeez Zim, is that the best you can come up with today? Maybe you're losing your touch." This sealed the boy's fate. Zim had met the unknowing creature's every challenge, and the younger male had the gall to question Zim's deserving? While the green being was far from stupid and knew that the stinky human did not mean for his words to strike such a cord, but the invader could not let this down. Such insolence and naivety should and would be disciplined.

"Dib-filth, you don't know what wrath you have just brought upon yourself…" Zim warned. The scythe-haired boy laughed haughtily, but was surprised when the disguised alien shoved him down to the ground using the spidery PAK legs.

"You won't get away with this Zim!" The alien smirked and leaned down so that his face hovered centimeters over Dib's pale one.

"But I will… my rival…" Zim swooped down and forced his scaly mouth over Dib's smooth, petal-shaped lips. It was only a brief moment of contact, but the green invader was happy at the sight of the other male's speechless expression. Those honey-brown eyes wide in shock, breathing completely came to a halt, and pale skin flushed to the color of a rose. Zim pulled away and released the shaking preteen. The invader strolled almost innocently down the sidewalk and into his glowing home; leaving Dib lying on the sidewalk for several hours until he finally shouted, "_What just happened?!_"

* * *

Yeah, sorry that it is kind of an unoriginal idea. But I thought it was cute and I did not want to dedicate a whole fanfic to the idea. That's the great thing about drabbles.


	3. Zim and Gaz?

Title: Zim and Gaz?

Rated: K+

Summary: Dib doesn't like Gaz and Zim's friendship.

Word Count: 714 words

* * *

Dib watched the two like a hawk. The human race's savior knew the alien did not have a moral compass, but what he was doing was low even by Dib's standards. It was not as if they had not tried to kill each other, but Dib always felt there was a barrier that was to never be breached and that Zim understood that. Apparently, the thickheaded, narcissistic, moronic alien was even more ignorant that Dib thought because the Irken invader was becoming friendly with his younger sister.

Every day during recess Gaz would sit on the bench, play her Game Slave 2, and wait for the alien menace. The ebony-haired preteen watched from afar as Zim confidently took his designated spot next to Gaz and handed her a present. Whether it was a new video game, a device that he felt Gaz would find useful, or food, Zim always greeted the younger girl with a gift. Gaz's chocolate eyes would widen a bit, her lips curled in a soft smile, and a quiet "thank you" was whispered. Zim would smile and the two immediately started talking. The purple-haired girl would continue her game as she talked just as Zim would work on his various inventions, but the two kids did not seem to mind the other's distractions. They understood that their relationship did not have to be fully engulfed in the moment they were in and there was nothing wrong with having different obsessions. Still, Dib could not understand why they were drawn together.

But they seemed happy. The brunette knew that Gaz would never fall under any spell or concoction produced by the alien to make her act this way, and Zim seemed genuinely content around Gaz. In fact since their friendship began, the alien had asked for Dib for a truce. Zim agreed to not take over, conquer, or destroy the world for a year if the younger male accepted his and Gaz's friendship and did not attempt to dissect him during that same time frame.

So why was Dib so unhappy? Because this was his baby sister! She was only a year younger than him, but he had to protect her. What was Zim going to do when the year was over?

Leave Gaz and be back to his original self as if nothing happened? The honey-eyed boy would not put that thought past the unfeeling alien, but… for some reason, that possible reality made Dib happy. He felt horrible for thinking and liking it, but it was true. Dib wanted their happiness to end and for everything to go back to normal. He wanted Gaz to stay friendless, Zim to never have content in his life, and for the dynamics between the three of them to be the same. He was a horrible brother. Dib disliked these changes and he could not even find a valid reason for hating them other than that he simply did. There was something unnatural about it all. Zim was ignoring Dib, Gaz liked hanging out with something that did not have pizza or games, and Dib just felt like… he did not belong in this world.

The bell rang.

"You know, he's not that bad a guy. Still annoying, but not as annoying as I thought." She said. Dib rolled his eyes.

"Just don't get any closer to him. Zim's evil, and always will be. All those presents are just attempts to kiss-up to you and catch you off guard."

"Actually, he gives them to me because he thought of me when he saw them." Gaz pointed out. The gamer looked up at her brother's shocked expression and started to chuckle.

"What?"

"If I didn't know any better, I would have guessed that you were jealous." Dib started laughing along side her.

"Never in a million years Gaz."

"I know. Oh, by the way, he got this for you." She pulled out of her pocket a small book titled _The Zombie Survival Guide_ by Max Brooks. The purple-haired gamer handed the gift to her brother, who looked at it with confusion.

"He said that when the time comes, you guys should be prepared to join forces or something." Dib stared at the unusual gift and wondered why this gave him the urge to smile.

* * *

Oh Dib, quit being in denial...


	4. Frogs, Disney, and Halloween

Title: Frogs, Disney, and Halloween

Rated: K+ / T (not sure)

Summary: Dib is forced to be Princess Tiana for Halloween, and Zim is Prince Naveen.

Word Count: 1,117 words

* * *

Dib groaned as he heard the doorbell being repeatedly abused by his obnoxious alien boyfriend. It did not help that he was wearing a bright green, princess-styled dress.

Apparently GIR wanted to go trick-or-treating, and somehow bought costumes based on the latest movie the robotic boy saw. The costumes were replicas of the Disney movie _Princess and the Frog_. Normally, the brunette found the mechanical dog's antics adorable, but this was crossing the line. GIR apparently really liked the costumes because he thought Zim had a similar personality to the prince, and thought that Dib was "pretty and nice" just like the princess in the film. Within seconds, the two males were shoved into the humiliating costumes by the swift robot.

Zim growled and mumbled something about the outfit's garish colors and lack of dignity while Dib blushed and groaned about wearing a ball gown. GIR then realized that he forgot the finishing touches, which was Zim's wig that was now styled the same way as Prince Naveen's hair was in the movie and Dib's tiara. Well, the ebony-haired boy was supposed to get a wig as well, but it would not fit his "gargantuan head" as his green lover described it. Still, the humiliating ensemble was not as bad as what the robot had next. The mechanical boy forcefully shoved a pillowcase into the scythe-haired preteen and his master's hands before propelling all three of them out the door.

Before they knocked on the door of the neighbor's house, GIR got dressed in his own costume. It was of the main villain, Dr. Facilier, but it looked so awkward on such a short and happy-go-lucky robot. The silver-colored man seemed happy with the results though, and told Zim to ring the doorbell.

Dib was doing his best to hide behind Zim, but the foreigner from Irk was two inches shorter than him in the matching heels that GIR insisted the paranormal investigator wore.

A nice, portly couple answered the door with big smiles on their faces and a giant bowl of candy in their arms.

"Trick or treat!" GIR yelled. They cooed at how small and sweet the robot appeared and threw two handfuls of candy into his bag. GIR giggled happily at the assorted sweets and backed up so that Dib and Zim could receive chocolate as well. Zim bowed his head slightly in appreciation from being gifted candy, but everything turned awkward when the man and woman recognized the ivory preteen. They at first bend down so that they were eye-to-eye with Professor Membrane's son, making the only human in their group want to die. What would they say? Were they going to be disgusted? Ashamed? Call his dad on him?!

"Hey, I know you! You're the boy who believes in ghosts and stuff like that." They said with the same big smile on their face.

"Uh… yes…" Dib whispered, obviously flustered and embarrassed that someone knew who he was.

"Well, you look absolutely beautiful despite your big head. Don't worry sweetheart, we're progressive!" The wife declared. The honey-eyed boy's cheeks flushed a brighter red and thanked them for their kindness. They gave Dib even more candy (proud of him for being himself) and then closed the door.

GIR dragged them to the next house; routinely everyone got the same treatment as they did in the first house. The only abnormality was when they reached Zita's house. Apparently most of the kids from Skool were attending the party and were shocked to see Zim and Dib trick-or-treating in matching outfits.

"Whoa… Dib…" Chunk gasped in shock, not sure what to say. Everyone stayed silent until the most popular girl in school (a girl named Jessica) spoke.

"Wow Dib, you look so pretty! Tiana is my favorite princess, but I didn't dress up as her because green isn't my color. And you're so lucky! I don't have anyone who would wear a matching Prince Charming outfit." She gushed as she twirled in her own Cinderella gown. If it was acceptable to her, the other girls decided to voice their praises for the twelve-year-old boy as well. Zim grinned as they crowded the anti-social boy (just because they were together, that did not mean the alien did not enjoy seeing Dib uncomfortable). Soon all the girls from class rushed toward the cross-dressing boy, admiring his ability to wear the garments well. Dib was unused to the positive attention, and even got a little angry.

"Just a minute!" He yelled at the accepting students. They immediately hushed their voices.

"What is wrong with you people? I have saved the human race on multiple occasions, _your lives especially_, and you all mocked me for being strange. Now you think I'm amazing now that I'm dating Zim and cross-dressing?"

"Uh… because those are the most normal things we've seen out of you. We're supposed to be dating, fighting with our boyfriends or girlfriends, and dressing up for Halloween. We don't go rushing off to save the world and chase after monsters. It's what kids do Dib. And now that you are doing that stuff, you're more like us. Duh…" Zita explained. The other children nodded. Before Dib could protest, GIR asked for some candy. Zita nodded and ran back inside. The purple-haired girl rushed out with a large bowl, filling the costumed robot's bag to the brim.

"Happy Halloween you guys!" She greeted before closing the door to the three. Zim laughed at Dib's confused expression before giving the bigheaded boy a kiss on the cheek.

"Sometimes I have a hard time believing you are human Dib. Other humans seem to be as illogical to you as they are to me." Dib sighed.

"Sometimes I have a hard time believing it too." Suddenly, one of the heels broke off of Dib's shoes. "Damn!"

"Foolish human. You and your inferior footwear." Zim commented before scooping Dib into his arms to make sure the younger being did not trip.

"You can be so much work for Zim. So much…" The invader said in jest than actual hate as he trailed down the sidewalk behind his minion.

"You're not exactly a walk-in-the-park you know!" Dib pouted. Still, there was not much they could complain about in their relationship. Zim brought out passion in Dib that he never felt in any other chase, and Dib gave the alien a strange sense of calm and purpose that he never knew before.

* * *

Happy Halloween everyone! I don't know why, but I really enjoyed this one despite it being so crappy.


	5. Dad Ships ZADR

Title: Dad Ships ZADR

Rated: T

Summary: Professor Membrane tries to find a boyfriend for Dib.

Word Count: 2,261 Words

This isn't really ZADR, but I thought it was fun.

* * *

"Son, I think we need to talk." Professor Membrane told his eldest child. The scythe-haired preteen dropped his magazine and nodded. Whatever it was, it must be urgent if his father came in person to talk to him. The towering adult sat on Dib's full-size bed and patted the spot to his right. Once Dib firmly planted himself beside his father, it all went down hill from there.

"You are about to turn thirteen soon son, and while I can be hard on you and your sister when it comes to your studies I am not blind to your ages. You are both my children and even though I am hard on you both, I am extremely proud of your progress. Because you are both so capable, I believe I can trust you with things many parents cannot trust their children to do. In fact, I think it would be more fitting to call you and Gaz my young adults." Wow, Dib was touched. His father was a man of science and rarely spoke his emotions or his views on his kids. It was nice to know the distant man that he respected, while thinking Dib was insane still acknowledged the good qualities in him.

"Which is why I am beginning to worry about you recently son. You are twelve, and you're going to be thirteen soon." The father paused to give his only son a hug. "But I notice that you are a rather anti-social child and you spend most of your time on a computer. While I was like that at your age, I understand that in order to be healthy adult, people need to interact with others on a regular basis. So son… today, we're going to find you a boyfriend!" The skinny boy looked into his father's eyes as if the man just sprouted nineteen heads. What?

"Uh… I don't think I heard that last part dad. What did you say?" Dib challenged.

"I said that we're going to spend the whole day together as father and son. While at the same time finding you a boyfriend!" Yeah… all those toxic chemicals his father worked with in his lab made him temporarily insane.

"Hahaha. That's a good joke dad. Really, I never knew you were a scientist _and_ a comedian. Now what are we really doing together today?"

"Dib, you know I do not make jokes. Especially when it comes to your well-being. Now get dressed boy. We're going to go around town until we find a suitable mate for you!" Professor Membrane announced in a voice loud enough to shake the house. Dib groaned but was immediately scolded by his father for being too anti-social.

"Dad, I'm not gay!"

"Nonsense son! I have been monitoring your behavior once you reached puberty. According to seventeen psychiatrists and four psychologists that analyzed your data, they all came to the conclusion that you are definitely gay. The loner attitude, dressing in dark clothing, and participating in extracurricular activities that do not require your physical presence, those are all the signs. Don't worry son, I do not care about homosexuality. I just worry about your sanity sometimes."

"Do you think Gaz is a lesbian too?" Dib asked while rolling his eyes. The honey-eyed boy was only twelve. While he did refuse to go out with a girl named Gretchen, it was not because he was gay. She was nicer than most Skool children, but girl with the braces was the same as everyone else. Gretchen was oblivious and unable to see the truths kept hidden by society. While he was not absolutely sure (since he had no sexual desires still), Dib knew he was not homosexual.

"No, no, no! Your sister hasn't gone through puberty yet so I do not have any data what-so-ever on that matter. And as a scientist, I do not draw any conclusions unless I've made at least a few observations." Why was she always the lucky one?!

"Now come on son! Get ready to meet your match!" Dib sighed but got dressed. Maybe it would not be so bad. After all, he rarely spent any time with the dedicated scientist…

_But he soon realized it was the most humiliating day of his life!_

"Dad!"

"What is the matter son?" Membrane asked, his mysterious eyes still kept hidden under the goggles he wore everywhere. The two were currently on the sidewalk, heading in the direction of the park. Dib blushed a hundred shades of red, and the professor had a big smile hidden under the collar of his lab coat while making sure his son did not escape their bonding time. The reason Dib was so flustered was because a disguised Zim was buying ice cream for himself and his florescent-green dog GIR, and his father just thought of the impossible. Zim and Dib being a great couple.

"Dad! I-I… I'm not gay!" The younger male of the Membrane household insisted. If it weren't for the fact that Dib was the only reason humanity had not been conquered under the hands of Zim, he would have begged the green-skinned being to kill the brunette before it was too late.

"But Dib," the professor chided, "Zim would make an excellent boyfriend for you. We had only one conversation in the past, but even during that small window of time he has proven himself to be quite intelligent and talented. He is someone who would keep you on your toes and force you to do better. Although he is a little blunt and that can cause tension, I think the two of you can work it all out." Dib couldn't believe he was hearing this! He refused to believe it! This must have been some government conspiracy that was trying to shut him up by brainwashing his dad. Or worse! This was not his dad at all! This was some cyber-man that was making sure that Dib did not have any children that were going to stop the machines' resistance! Oh wait… that was an old movie that Dib watched when he was bored. Still! This did not mean that the man before the preteen was really his creator.

"Dad!" Dib screamed and flushed a darker shade of red (if that were possible). "We are in public! Please stop saying such things…"

"But Dib, think of what an intelligent, logical, and talented couple you and Zim would make. The possibilities are endless!" His father exclaimed and explained. The ebony-haired, young man just groaned and buried his burning face into his hands.

Meanwhile, Zim and GIR were sitting under the shade and protection of a tree while eating their recently purchased ice cream. Master and minion were having such a relaxing time bonding, that the Irken did not even notice Dib and his parental unit. GIR on the other hand did, and was amused by their animated antics.

"Mary and his daddy are funny…" The S.I.R unit giggled and pointed.

"That's nice GIR, but eat your ice cream faster. Otherwise it is going to melt." Zim ordered with a soft tone in his voice. Today was one of those rare days where taking over Earth could wait. For now…

"Yes my lord!" And the two went back to eating obliviously.

_Dib hoped_… he really did.

The lanky preteen prayed to every deity and lord he knew of to free him from more embarrassment after that incident, and that he was going to spend a normal day bonding with his father. But sadly, this was the great Professor Membrane and when the man was fixed on an idea, he will not stop. Still, a boy could hope.

"Ah! There's that other boy that I thought would be a good match for you. Hello there, Torque Smackey!" Dib froze and his face turned whiter than a ghost. Torque Smackey! The scientist was not serious, was he? Slowly, Dib turned to his right and sure enough, the sports enthusiast was standing before them and looking at the famous man with curiosity.

"Dad… come on… you must be really tired after working-"

"Torque, I work with your mother in the lab and she's become aware that you take interest in only sports and weight lifting. While exercise is not only good for the body, but the brain as well, she feels that you are still lacking in the quickness and intelligence department. Perhaps if you were to go out with my son, your opposite but good characteristics will affect the other and change you both to be more balanced individuals. What do you say?" Professor Membrane proposed.

"God… if you are real, you are a cruel being…" Dib sighed.

"Dude, I already have a girlfriend." And with that, Torque went back to playing fetch with his dog.

"Hm… too bad. I think you two would have complimented each other well." The elder man said before grabbing his son's hand and dragging him further into the park. The professor spared no boy around his son's age. Brian, the boy who was dismissed to the Underground Classes laughed at the Membrane duo and walked off. The Letter M just rolled his eyes and told them that he was not homosexual, and Carl disgusted both of them when he lifted up his armpits and asked them if he smelled funny.

"Dad? Can we please go home?" Dib whined.

"We still need to find a good boyfriend for you."

"But Dad, I. Am. Not. Gay!"

"Son, you do not have to be bashful anymore. I support you whole-heartedly. I learned a lot about cloning after you and your sister, and I can now create super grandchildren!" Membrane tried to assure his insecure son. Dib sighed. He was not gay. Really. Honest!

Many more failures occurred as the two meandered around the park. His father thought Chunk could have been like Torque, but later dubbed the strawberry-blonde child too violent for his precious child. Dirge and Flan were appeared to be nice, healthy, young men but when Dib refused, the professor commented about them being too common anyways. Lizard Boy, while he had an interesting talent, the boy was hideous and did not have nearly the talent and intelligence to balance it out like his father thought Zim had.

"Well son, what about that boy named Spoo over there?"

"No…" Dib groaned, no longer having the energy to protest properly.

"Oh, of course! Silly me. Spoo would have bored you. Perhaps we should try someone more upbeat such as Poonchy? I heard he has quite the personality."

"No!"

"Really, you are a picky one son. But I suppose you are a Membrane, and you cannot just be with anyone!" In the distance, Dib noticed Keef playing with a jump rope with himself. His father called out to the redhead, who immediately came to their side. Keef's large, bright emerald eyes stared at the two in wonder. The enthusiastic boy never saw Dib with his father, and it made him so happy to know that they spent quality time together! Maybe if he were around, they would be even happier.

"Hi Dib! Hi Dib's dad! Its great to see you out here!" Dib sighed for possibly the millionth time that time.

"Hi Keef…"

"Hm… Keef is it? You seem like a nice, young man. Would you like to go out with my son? He is lacking when it comes to interacting with people and I think you would be the kind of out-going person that would get him out of his shell!" Keef blushed and muttered something that neither of the brunettes could understand. When probed by Professor Membrane, Keef finally spoke in a louder voice that while he thought Dib was awesome, the curly-haired child still had a crush on Zim. Just as the usually carefree child was about to tear up because he did not want to make the two unhappy by not fulfilling their request, Dib's father patted his shoulder and reassured the appeasing child that they understood.

"You mean it?" The crying boy asked.

"Of course! I think Zim is a great person too." Professor Membrane said. Keef smiled and nodded.

After Keef, there were no other boys that they could approach…

"Honestly Dib, you could not give any of them a chance?" The scientist sighed. "I'm only trying to socialize you and prepare you for a family."

"Dad, even if we found a boyfriend for me today I doubt that he would be the one that I would end up marrying and starting a family with. Besides, I am not gay! Please believe me..." Dib groaned.

"Hm… still, I stand by what I said earlier. Zim would have been the best one for you. Honestly, I think you two would have made a powerful couple! I even thought of a fun acronym for your relationship. ZADR! It stands for Zim-and-Dib-Romance. Pretty clever, huh? Oh well, if you don't want him, I can always try to pair him up with Gaz-"

"No way! You are not giving Zim to Gaz! He's my… nemesis." Dib blushed and could no longer look his father in the eye. Professor Membrane smiled.

* * *

Hope you liked it! I had a lot of fun writing this... Yeah, I know Professor Membrane probably doesn't ship ZADR, but a fangirl can dream damn it! ;_;


	6. Dear Zim

Title: Dear Zim

Rated: T

Summary: Dib writes about his true feelings for Zim.

Word Count: 2,065

* * *

Dear Zim,

I hate you. No, those words are too weak to describe how I feel about you. I _despise_ you down to every single cell on your disgusting, alien body. But this hatred for you does not only stem from the fact that you wish to destroy my planet.

Your voice! It is one of the most horrid sounds I've ever heard in my twelve years of life. It sounds like an escaped lunatic from an asylum; actually, it is a fitting voice for you considering that you are a narcissistic, obnoxious, and psychopathic alien who destroys and ruins everything you touch. Yes, that is what you are. Still, despite how fitting your voice is to match your behavior, that is still no excuse. You are already such an annoying creature, so why must your voice be so abrasive to the point I think it is grating my soul? Also, your maniacal laughing is disturbing. It makes you sound like a creeper and it makes me shiver. But the worst part of your voice is the words you form. The insults you throw at me are laughable. Are you really so unimaginative that you can only think of mocking me by adding unattractive adjectives at the end of my name? News Flash! "Dib-Stink" and "Dib-Filth" are not clever. They are only further proof of your chaotic personality and incompetence. Also, other nicknames such as "Worm-Baby" and "Earth-Stink" are not creative either. Is your entire race just as immature as you?

But perhaps the most irritating thing about you is your personality. You are vulgar, obnoxious, have an ego vaster than my head width (which you seem to like to point out), and I am sick of you yelling and trying to take over my home. No matter how much excitement it brings to our lives… well, your actions do not amuse me; your antics only entertain you. I would be perfectly happy if I lived in a reality that did not involve your presence. Sure, my life would not be nearly as interesting, heart pounding, and adrenaline filled, but I would be much more content. In fact, perhaps if I were not so addicted to the adrenaline rush that I get when I chase you, I would lead a wonderful life. My father would take me under his wing when it came to "real science" and we would make a wonderful team. No. You ruined that possibility for me by being around.

I hate you.

But I cannot deny that your incompetence has saved the human race. The first time it happened, apparently you had no help at all. You could have let the Planet Jackers eradicate us and make easy work for your Irken Empire. Instead, you defended the Earth with all the strength and cunning you possessed. I must admit that was a nice act even though no one (even I) believed you, even if your only reasons for saving the human race revolved around the thoughts of your own twisted fun of destroying it yourself. I will not congratulate you on the second time you saved everyone though, because that was clearly your doing. What made you think that you could control a Godzilla-sized hamster? Wait, I already know that answer. Your stupidity and arrogance are the reasons for your entire actions… well, more your arrogance. You are actually quite intelligent, given your ability to invent such unique devices. I do admit whenever you have a plan, it has a certain size and scope that is unique. While Tak blended in more seamlessly than you did, her actions were… bland. But then again, I'm comparing her to you, so maybe that's a little unfair.

Still, your disruptive behavior is so annoying. Especially when you are confused about human nature. By the way, I think it is pathetic that you depend on me, your worst enemy, for explanations for human behavior and I also dislike helping you during those situations… sometimes your questions are amusing. And your reactions to average humans have made me chuckle.

But everyone is right. You are still hideous. Your body is just so… flat. You have no curves, and your chest is not defined in any way. Granted, I do not find overtly muscular physiques to be my standard of beauty, I still find you grotesque to look at. And your skin is so bright! It is a pore-less, hair-less surface that feels almost like rubber. How do I know? From all our fights! But despite how freaky your skin is… it is really smooth. I never thought skin could be that soft and blemish-free. And your skin is not nearly as freaky as your eyes. They are so bright, even when there is no light! How do they absorb light and process color? They are an unnatural hue as well. It is as if I'm examining a rare ruby from India, instead of looking into the eyes of an alien menace.

Those sounded like compliments, didn't they? I still stand on the fact that you are indeed ugly.

Your personality still sucks. You are egocentric and only care about yourself. I don't care if there is evidence to prove otherwise (especially with GIR); I know the truth. You're self-absorbed and have no emotions… despite how much fear you show towards germs and sadness you show when you are out of snacks. Those are merely because you think of the affects on yourself! God, I utterly loathe you. I abhor you. But… in a way, all your ridiculous behavior does bring me a sense of joy. In the same way a retarded animal does. Something that skips about and doesn't understand anything when it comes to common human society.

And, while I do not know everything there is to know about your history, apparently you have graduated Military Academy. But not only do you have the tactics, you can at times be charismatic and energetic. Your actions seem to have such a force behind them. Well, your words have a command to them as well. There is a certain connotation in your voice that I could never possess. Not that I think this is a good quality!

But I guess I am being a little unfair. Despite how much I dislike you, we share some qualities. You put yourself through so much torture on Earth in order to please your leaders, while I defend my planet to prove I am not crazy and make everyone appreciate me. I sometimes think you are the only person who truly understands what it is like. I do not know if you are ridiculed in your society, but you never seemed hurt by our classmates' rude remarks. You act as if it is normal behavior for others to have. Maybe it is just your narcissism that makes you blind to this, but I cannot help but wonder if during times of weakness do you see this. Do you ever realize that they mock you? And when this realization penetrates through that thick egotism, how do you dispel it away? What is your secret? ... Ignore that. I'm obviously giving you too much credit. Another thing we have in common is our drive. Your abilities as an invader are fueled by your love of destruction, revenge, or your feelings (despite saying that you do not have any). And while I am a rational, paranormal investigator, I know that I am in this field because of the sensations it evokes from me. The feel of the chase as I'm about to capture evidence of the unknown is what I imagine what you feel when you are scheming.

And we are obviously the most intelligent people in our class. Although you are oblivious to Earth, you are able to obtain good grades without anyone's help. To know so much about a planet you plan to destroy in the small amount of time you have is remarkable in a way. While I have learned a lot about Irkens from spying on you, I cannot say with confidence that I could pass any tests on your planet's history or fully understand its literature.

You are still annoying though. But I'm a little hard to deal with as well.

… I think I was a little harsh when I said that you were ugly. While you definitely are not a stereotypical beauty, I do find some parts of your body kind of alluring. While you do not have long limbs, they are really thin and elegant. The way they move fascinates me. You don't seem to have a lot of muscles, but you move them so erratically that I begin to wonder about your anatomy… in a scientific way! It is so similar and yet so different compared to mine, but I don't know all of them and I really want to! Urgh, again… it is more due to my curious nature than actually wanting to admire your physique. And despite how freaky your eyes are (and they are) they are quite enchanting. The way the sunlight reflects on those distinct orbs is surprisingly beautiful, especially when you are lost in your thoughts. Whether they be of enslaving the Earth, something that angered you, or just the pleased sparkle your eyes have when you're eating candy, your eyes are really expressive and bewitching. Your antennas, or Lekku as you call them, are also interesting structures. Like your eyes, they serve to show your feelings and expressions. It piques my interest to see them move. It's like I can understand anything you are experiencing by seeing how they react to their environment.

I despise you. I hate you. You disgust me both with your looks and personality. You clearly have some good characteristics and yet you are who you are.

And sadly…

Since I will make sure you will _never_ read this letter…

I wouldn't change a thing about you. We really are so similar and yet the key differences that cause me to hate you with a passion make me also adore you. Your irrational behavior while annoying, I cannot help but think it is charming. When you learn something knew, you have a curiosity in you that cannot be contained until you learn everything about it. It is a trait so admirable that I would not want to taint your personality if it meant risking that part of your nature. Do you know how foreign that is? How long I have been waiting to see that in someone and been so disappointed when everyone else in the world around me was so… disenchanted and indifferent?

The Chase! Do you feel the same? Can you feel your blood boiling and rushing through your veins (or whatever you call that part of your body) in a terrifyingly, dangerous current? This high I feel as I inch closer to you! My legs just seem to move on their own accord and all I can focus on is your capture. As soon as the hunt is over and we're back living our normal lives, I can still feel the heat. I never felt that alive when I chased after possibly Bigfoots, ghosts, and other paranormal interests. Even when I found out Tak was an Irken like you, there wasn't that same vitality being forced into me. Does the world ever seem to be moving slower when we are not around each other? Perhaps it is because my father is rarely home and Gaz is a relaxed person, but when I am not trying to capture you, I have to think about you, write about you (as I'm doing right now), draw you, and plan my next move. My life has to revolve around you otherwise I feel like everything is just a slow, boring dream.

I hate you. I hate you because I love you. I hate that only you can make me feel this way. You deprived me of having a normal life as a scientist, having a wife and kids, and having the approval of my peers because I cannot let you go.

I love you Zim. So much that it scares me.

And I hope you never find out.

* * *

I hoped you liked it. I wanted to go to sleep but I could not get this idea out of my head. This is really what I think Dib's feelings would be if he did have a crush on Zim. :)

If you thought this was out-of-character, I would love to know your opinions on how to make this better or why you think it doesn't work! While I am a fan of the show, I do not analyze the characters as carefully as other people do. So review or tell me in a private message! I would really like to know your opinions on this headcanon of mine.


	7. Its a Date

Title: Its a Date

Rated: T

Summary: Zim asks Dib to go out with him.

Word Count: 507 words

* * *

Zim and GIR were watching an action movie that the robot picked out from the store. The green alien did not find it very interesting. It was just humans chasing each other and multiple explosions (which were puny in comparison to his). While it was amusing to see some of the humans get injured, most of the filthy monkeys did not seem impeded by their afflictions.

"I will stop you, you hear me?! I will find you, and I will kill you." The hero declared.

"Hahaha, its a date then Mr. Smith." The generic villain grinned before hanging up. A date? So this is what dates were. They were formal, declarations of combat between two opposing sides. Did this mean all those times fighting against Dib… were dates?

"GIR, I'm going to go to the lab and gather more information on dating. You just stay here and watch your movie." The Irken ordered his mechanical minion. GIR nodded, continued to eat his fun dip, and kept his eyes glued to the television.

The next day at Skool, Zim was still looking through a huge stack of printouts that the computer composed on dating. Apparently this activity usually involved two humans, and both parties agreed they had a bond to each other. As the dating progresses, and if the two individuals are still together, there was usually a celebration to mark the occasion because that meant they were a good "match." Zim thought about his relationship with the Earthling, and concluded that their desire to destroy each other did bring both males to an understanding. They were enemies, and they allied when a foreign party interfered. Despite the invader's lack of respect toward the humans and their planet, he had to admit that Dib was a good match for him.

Perhaps he should plan an anniversary for the Dib with a grand scheme. One bigger than everything that he had tried before and something that would "wow the both of them" as the papers worded it. After all, while most pairs break up around the three-month period, Zim and Dib have been enemies for almost six months!

"What are you planning Zim? Another pathetic attempt to conquer the Earth?" Dib jabbed.

"Oh no Dib, I have something special planned for our anniversary." Zim smirked. Dib flushed a bright red and became flustered.

"What?!"

"Meet me in the woods next week for my latest plan. I will make sure it is a date that you will never forget."

"Zim… are you asking me out?" The preteen gasped.

"Yes Dib, I never formally asked but I think after all this time we have spent together it is finally time that I did." The green male confirmed, making sure to address Dib by his name instead of an insult (apparently that was not _respectful_ in these kinds of relationships). Dib's eyes widened and he blushed a darker red.

"Well?" Zim huffed, still waiting for the other boy's reply.

"Yeah, I guess I'll go out with you. Next week in the woods?"

"Yes Dib, and be prepared. Be very prepared..."

* * *

Oh, you have no idea how much I wanted to make a condom joke. But I restrained myself!

Enjoy a little ZADR I wrote before going to work.


	8. Rain, Cookie, and That

Title: Rain, Cookie, and... That

Rated: T

Summary: How Zim and Dib spent a rainy day together.

Word Count: 417 words

* * *

It was a cold, rainy day. That alone would have made Zim angry, but something else bothered the alien. Despite having the opportunity to snuggle up next to his boyfriend Dib while watching a movie, the green alien couldn't help but be grumpy because his body was so sore. The two boys had been dating for months, but they never tried being intimate until now... and how they decided who would be the dominant partner, was the way everyone settled all tough decisions, Rock-Paper-Scissors. Unfortunately for Zim, he lost and while he enjoyed himself during the intimate act, the two were quite inexperienced.

"Dib! I order you to get me a cookie." Zim growled and pointed the platter of sweets on the coffee table. Dib nodded; still a little tired from their activities from before and did as his boyfriend asked.

"Do you want me to feed you? You're probably more tired than I am." The scythe-haired boy yawned. The Irken invader blushed and punched the younger male on the shoulder.

"Ow!"

"No! I am quite capable of eating without your assistance. How dare you underestimate Zim..." Zim growled. Dib laughed, pulled his alien lover onto his lap and held him tight.

"I'm sorry, I was probably too rough. Wasn't I?" The brunette sighed and massaged the foreigner's lower back. Zim sighed in content, but said nothing in response to the human's words. Dib then slid his hands against the antennas, causing the alien to groan in content. He did not mean to be so aggressive when they were… in the moment… but Zim was just so alluring and sensual underneath him that the paranormal investigator could not hold back his feelings. Still, the two knew that they did not regret becoming that close to each other. It was a wonderful way of strengthening their bond.

The green alien could feel his quick, healing abilities working their magic and a heat pooling in his groin. He felt the desire to be close to his human lover again, and started shifting toward the brunette's comforting touches. Hm...

"Keep that up Dib and I will want another round soon." Zim said casually before gently placing his smooth, green lips over Dib's slightly chapped ones. Dib's eyes bugged out and he instinctively pushed the invader off of his lap.

"But we just… I need my rest!" The ebony-haired boy cried out. The green alien smirked.

"But I want my turn…"

* * *

Something I thought of during lunch today. By the way, is there any oneshot or drabble that you want a continuation of (a sequel or prequel)? I know that I will be writing one for the "Dear Zim" oneshot, but I was wondering if anyone wanted another continuation. ;) Let me know!

And thank you everyone, anonymous or not for the reviews.


	9. Is Silence too Much?

Title: Is Silence too Much?

Rated: K+

Summary: Gaz tries to get Dib to shut up.

Word Count: 564 words

* * *

Gaz groaned. She was getting really tired of all this. Her brother and Zim bickered all day, and it never seemed like there was a moment of peace.

In the morning, Dib would explain on the way to Skool about how he was going to reveal the alien's secret today. Lunchtime, the scythe-haired boy rambled about how no one believed him but he would soon prove it once he brought Zim's secret to the light. But it did not stop there. No. Recess happened right after lunch, and soon when they reached their designated bench on the playground, Dib's lips start flapping again. Then there's the walk from Skool-to-Home, dinner, watching television, and even while Gaz was brushing her teeth! It was getting ridiculous!

There seemed to be no end to the elder sibling's obsession with the incompetent Irken. While she did not care to know what their relationship was, Gaz needed her silence. So the purple-haired girl waited.

It was another frustrating morning with her brother as they walked to Skool. The elder sibling was rambling (as always), but Gaz had a slight smile. If this plan were executed perfectly, she would have her precious taciturnity for at least two weeks. She could almost drown out her brother's useless words already as they reached the steps of the institution of education. Darn. Dib's sister groaned. She lifted her eyes from her game for only a few seconds and this gave the enemies an opening. But as soon as Gaz spotted Zim, a smirked returned on her face. Now they just had to get closer.

"Hello Earth-stink! Little Gaz!" The alien shouted.

"Zim, your insults are getting old. I can't wait to get you on the autopsy table if only to shut you up." Oh Dib, just inch a little closer. As soon as her brother was on the highest step, Gaz calculated the distance between them. Still not closer enough! Come on Zim, challenge Dib. Just as predicted, the alien edged toward her brother to the point their heads were almost touching. The purple-haired girl could not have planned it better. Thank goodness Zim was a stupid alien that did not know about personal space.

She pushed Dib's head, forcing his lips to collide with Zim's with a loud thud! Both males gasped and immediately pulled away. They covered their mouths with their hands, blushed, and ran away from each other (Zim screaming as he did so).

Sweet silence… for only three days!

"Hey Gaz, Zim hasn't been trying to take over the world lately. Maybe I am being too harsh on him." Gaz punched him in the gut.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"You guys talk too much."

"What do you mean?" Dib groaned as he rubbed his gut. Gaz growled.

"I forced you guys to kiss because I thought it would disgust you to the point of two weeks of silence. But clearly, that's not the case is it Dib?!" Her brother got paler and tried to respond, but he kept stuttering. Suddenly, Gaz thought of something funny that would keep her preteen brother silent for the rest of the day.

"If I knew you would have liked it so much, I would have glued your mouths together."

* * *

Another short drabble before I write the sequel to "Dear Zim" which shall be titled (creatively) "Dear Dib." I am not sure if I should though since it is apparently the least popular of my drabbles/oneshots because of the lack of humor. XD Oh well, it is my favorite one so I'm going to do it. Nyah!

Went back to old way of labeling chapters because I got two private messages that said they did not like the numbers since the word count is mentioned in the chapter. Understood. :)


	10. Dear Dib

Title: Dear Dib

Rated: T

Summary: Zim comes across Dib's letter and comes up with one in response.

Word Count: 2,969

Kind of long, but I don't care. Hope you liked it. By the way, if you have the time, please read "Dear Zim" before reading this. You might be a little confused.

Also, to make up for the lack of humor in this oneshot, I will write a horribly cliched ZADR oneshot that will be sure to make you laugh with how bad it is. :)

* * *

It was just another boring day in Skool, and nothing was able to put a smile on Dib's face. Even the taunts that Zim would sneak during Ms. Bitter's lecture only served as a reminder as to how sad his life was.

What was wrong with him? Nothing except he was a young man who desired to become a paranormal investigator, and yet the brunette wanted to be with another male who he knew without a doubt was an extraterrestrial bent on taking over the Earth. The scythe-haired preteen did not know whether to laugh or cry at his life. How did this happen? Dib stared out the window and tried to blank out his mind, but disturbingly, he could see the bright green reflection of Zim's skin on the window. Goodness, couldn't the Irken leave his thoughts for even a few minutes? Sure, his life was no longer boring and slow with the alien in it, but this unhealthy obsession was consuming and eating him to the point that Dib was unsure if there was going to be anything left. When he tried to ignore or forget about the green invader for a few seconds, Dib could feel his skin crawl uncomfortably. As if there were thousands of bugs venturing underneath the ebony-haired boy's skin, pestering him until he gave up and thought of Zim again. He banged his head against the desk, hoping the pain would dull his thoughts. Unfortunately, his combats with Zim had increased his ability to tolerate pain. If Dib could hate the foreigner anymore, he would.

Thankfully the bell signaled the end of the Skool day and Dib rushed out. However, as he sped past everyone, his precious letter fell out of his pocket and landed on Zim's feet. The green invader picked up the piece of paper; shocked to see it was addressed to him. The little, green man was reading it silently as he walked home.

"Perhaps I should write a response to the Worm-Monkey." He said absentmindedly.

Hours later, Dib frantically searched his room. He was sweating under the intense pressure. Where was his letter?

The brunette poured all his emotions and declarations about the extraterrestrial, and always kept it safe on his person in order to make sure no one else would read it. Yet as he placed his hand in his pocket, he did not feel the sharp corners. The paranormal-obsessed boy dug deeper, thinking that it sank to the bottom but the precious document was still not there.

"Where did I put it?" Dib sighed. During the chaos however, he did find a note lying innocently on his bed.

"Phew... wait, this isn't mine." He realized and opened the mysterious document.

_Dear Dib-Stink,_

_You know nothing of hate and its definition. You and your filthy, horrid race are a curse! But don't worry, soon I will put all you worthless souls out of your misery! Before I do this though, I would like to correct the obvious errors you made._

"Oh no…" Dib groaned to himself.

_There is nothing wrong with my proud, booming voice! You should feel honored to have heard such a wondrous sound, and it is not the musings of a common, asylum resident. And those shivers you feel as I laugh are proof that my obvious superiority is breaching your thick, undeveloped head. Side note, you and your kind are so pathetic. You actually believe in the concept of souls? Anyways, back to the topic of voices and insults. I do not call you "Dib-Filth" or "Worm-Monkey" because I cannot conjure up better insults, but rather because you do not deserve more than that. You are but a tiny, bigheaded creature on this dirt-ball of a planet, and nothing more than that. As for your attempts to mock me, they are unimaginative as well. "Space boy" and "Alien Scum" are not miraculous breakthroughs in the history of ridicule. As for my race and its maturity, we are millions of years more advanced that your kind! How dare you speak in such a manner about the Irken Empire! You act as if you are perfect, but I think it is your voice that is the one of annoyance. Dib-human, do you know because of your young age and stage in development, that your voice has an awkward crack and break in it sometimes? One minute your voice is normal, but soon it will shift dramatically in pitch and timbre! DO YOU KNOW HOW ANNOYING THAT IS TO HEAR?!_

_There is nothing wrong with Zim's personality! I am not obnoxious, nor am I vulgar. There is nothing wrong with expressing yourself in an honest manner. Not everyone has to be quiet, cold, and uninteresting like most of your kind is. It is only logical to present yourself in an honest manner because it leads to fewer complications. As for my ego, I do not have one and it is certainly not close to the dimensions that make up your gargantuan head if I did have one. Seriously, have you ever had your cranium examined by a medical professional?_

_My actions are valuable not only to me, but to you as well. I am the closest thing that you can obtain in order to redeem your field of study and I am the thing that makes you believe that you are anchored in the planes of sanity. While most of my plans fail due to my quickness and inability to find errors upon first sight, your twisted mind forced itself to believe that you were actually vital to the survival of your species. It is all right though. I have come to accept that you inferior species must lie to yourselves in order to not be repulsed by each other. See how kind I am? Where is this vulgarity and selfishness that you described me to have now?_

_Do not worry human; your hate is reciprocated._

"Wow Zim, I would not have thought that if you had not have told me. Thank you for pulling me out of the darkness when it comes to that." Dib sarcastically spat while rolling his eyes.

_We agreed that we would never speak of those instances again! But since this is a private letter that you wrote to yourself (are you sure you are not crazy?) than I will forgive you on this fault. Yes, my only reason for saving the Earth was simply for my desire to destroy this forsaken place myself. Also, I do not wish to destroy this place without a large provision of snacks and soda first. As for my arrogance, like my ego, I do not have any. How I feel, think, and act is within reason for I earned it. I am quite intelligent (thankfully I did not have to point this out to you), cunning, ambitious (although I must admit that this quality has also been my downfall) and am capable of bringing a vast amount of destruction if I desired to faster than any invader in the academy in a way that is uniquely Zim. Tak, ha! The Irken female might be attractive, but that is all she has going for her. Her plan was so generic that it bored me almost to tears._

_I do not rely on you as a source of information! You freely give these details to me, and I only listen because you seem to be one of the few, competent creatures on this planet. Really, even I am surprised that they have not discovered my secret after meeting my robotic, parental units. Still, as I had written earlier, you are not as bad as the other Earth-Stinks, and therefore I do not feel the need to seek further information if you say it._

The scythe-haired boy raised his eyebrow at the last paragraph. Did Zim just compliment him on his intelligence? The green invader was a strange one, but then again, who was weirder? The alien or the human in love with said alien?

_As for all your complaints that you have against my appearance, I will only counter them with my own complaints against yours. My body lacks these "curves" you speak of because Irkens are designed for efficiency. Our muscles while smaller than most humans are comparable to the strength you bulky, inferior creatures can muster. Your torso is just as thin as mine, but your hips are... strangely wide! Not like that of normal human males either. They jut out in a way similar to that of females in puberty, which looks really awkward on your slender body. While I understand that the largest muscle is in that region, it does not help that you have legs almost as skinny as mine in contrast to your round posterior. Still, the worst feature of yours is probably your disgusting flesh. It is a pale color, providing no protection from any radiation and it has tiny hairs that collect dirt. How can you stand going through the day with only one shower alone?! Knowing human anatomy is disgusting. It is as if your kind wishes to die from the environment surrounding it._

_And if those statements you made about me in your letter were supposed to be compliments, you fail at even the task of kindness Dib._

_Again, you attack my personality! Do you not have better things to do with your time than to write such libel about me? Although my kind is known for their logic, it is not unusual to have emotions. In fact, a recent trip back to my home planet has informed me that my PAK has slight defects that cause me to feel a wider range of emotions in comparison to most of my kind. I have come to accept that I do appreciate my S.I.R unit as a friend, and the same for Minimoose. While I fought these things because I do not want to accept weakness, after reading countless amounts of human literature, I have come to realize that these things can possibly work to my advantage. For instance, during said trip back to my home, they declared me as one of the greatest Irkens in history and allowed me for ten minutes to control the Massive (the mightiest ship of our fleet). At first, they had startled me into thinking that they were disappointed by this personality trait, but in the end they finally let on their true feelings. They were amazed by my abilities and rewarded me justly!_

This was all a lot of information for the honey-eyed preteen to absorb. So... Zim thought he was a pasty-white, dirty child with girly features? Why would the alien pay that much attention to his... gluteal muscles (since buttocks sounded too sexual)? And the detail about the other male's PAK was interesting. So unlike Tak, he could truly form bonds with people and things due to the defects in the secondary organ. The brunette continued reading, wondering what other tidbits he would gather on Zim.

_Yes, I am an accomplished invader indeed. But Zim will not deny that the Dib-Beast is skilled in combat despite his lack of training. You have learned the majority of your knowledge through tutoring yourself, and I cannot say that I am not impressed by your sagacity. Despite your young age, you do have this air of wisdom and capability beyond your age that is hard to ignore. If there were one quality about you specifically human that I wished to possess myself, it would have to be that._

_... We are similar in strange ways. But I do not agree with some of them. Both of our passions come from the thrill of fighting each other, but I do not think that we put ourselves through any "torture." I do what I do because it is who I am. I could have easily conquered your planet with designs with less finesse, pleased my Almighty Tallest sooner, and continued on to other missions. But I do not conduct myself in such a boring manner because it is not in my nature to behave that way. It is the same for you Dib. You may think you are doing all this for the approval of those around you, but your motives are even more selfish than that. You defend your home not because it is right, for fame, or to gain acceptance. You fight me because you have never met anyone on your worthless planet that could challenge you and your competitive nature. You fight me because it is in your nature. It has probably been a boring life for you on this planet due to your abilities far exceeding children your age._

In a way, Zim was right about Dib. The younger male never thought about morals, fame, or love from anyone when Zim riled him up. The only thing on his mind was the pursuit of a green alien who awoken something in him he never felt before.

_You are an annoying creature Dib-Smell. However, I deal with GIR on a daily basis so I have a high tolerance to annoyance._

"Urgh... that is a high tolerance..." Dib laughed. He still remembered the time he spent with GIR... so much dancing...

_While you are far from the most beautiful being that I laid eyes upon, I do find some features on you appealing. I find your eyes to also be interesting structures. Pink, Red, and Purple eyes are common in my society, but yours are a rare, light brown that can sometimes appear gold in certain light. Also, instead of the color of your eyes being all over, it is concentrated in the center and has a more intense hue (which really annoys me when you forget to clean your glasses). It is rather odd how often I am drawn to your eyes, but I also find myself staring at other parts. You are rather agile and flexible. It is rather strange since your species' skeletal structure is not as flexible as my race, but you are able to move in ways that fascinate me. Sometimes I am curious as the extent to your flexibility... not in disgusting, inappropriate, human ways! I worked as a scientist before I became an invader, and I too am only interested in your physique due to my desire to learn. But recently, the one body part that I am attracted to is your hands. They are odd. They have more digits that I am used to, but they aren't as useless as most would think. It was rather difficult for me to learn how to write so that it was coherent for others to read, but everyone had mastered that task with ease. Your hands also have a stronger grip than my own due to your extra fingers, and I wonder what are the limitations of your mysterious hands. Please do not interpret that an indecent way!_

_You confuse me. Are you absolutely sure you are human, or must I continue to hate you?_

_If I could not change you without risking your good qualities, then I could not make adjustments to you too. Although there are many traits that you have that are irritating, irrational, and foolish, there are too many things about your personality that I do not wish to change. Everyone else in the world is only thinking about moving into the future, not living in the present like we do. Does anyone actually enjoy his or her lives like us?_

_The surge of stimulation running through my body does feel like it a black hole. As if a powerful force inside me is jerking and ripping my squeedly-spooch, and yet I want more. I need the heat of your breath on my neck, whispering deadly threats against my cool flesh as your strong hands keep a tight grip on my tunic. But the most intoxicating moments are when we both have a blade at the each other's backs, and we glare at each other with the same intense, knowing stare. This is our place and no one else can be a part of this. The pulsing vitality pouring into my system is intoxicating. I feel this high even when you are gone, and I lay safe in my base. Yet like all highs, I need more of these moments with smaller breaks in between them to the point my life is a blur of planning something just to draw you in. The world is just something to contain us. It is completely unimportant. Nothing is compared to you. Did you know that I have not made transmissions to my superiors for over three months now? This planet's destruction is almost enough to make me go to sleep in comparison to getting underneath your skin._

_The hatred is mutual Dib. I want you to be my everything. You are not just the object of my love. You are my hatred, disgust, love, but most of all, you are my only obsession. I must consume you and I want you to do the same for me._

_Look out your window and accept your fate!_

Dib gulped and did as the letter told him. Before he could look out the window though, a small rock smashed through the window and collided with his head.

"Ow! What the heck?" He yelled. The ebony-haired boy angrily went to the broken window and saw Zim outside with a wide smirk on his face.

"I'm going to get you for that you ugly, Space Monster!" He vowed and ran out of his room to confront the violent alien. This was not romantic; but this was what their relationship was. Nothing was anything like the dull, gray, empty wasteland like the world outside. Everything was fast paced, carnal, and raw. And they liked it that way.

* * *

If there is any oneshot/drabble that you want a sequel to, let me know.


	11. Horrible, Thoughtless ZADR

Title: Horrible, Thoughtless ZADR

Rated: T

Summary: Horrible, high school cliches all coming together with a twist ending.

Word Count: 4,978

Okay, if anyone knows my preferences when it comes to ZADR, I really hate a lot of the high school-based ones. They always follow the same damn pattern! They usually have good build up, but then start focusing on just how hot everyone has gotten now. Soon the only plot point is that character ! is paying more attention to character C, when they should be romancing character B! But it's okay, because at the end they give each other jewelry and it is a sweet/tender moment... URGH.

Hope this makes you laugh. I know I did when I was writing this.

* * *

Dib wondered for the sixth time today why everyone was looking at him strangely. It was not the stares that he would usually get from others due to being Professor Membrane's son or his accusations of the paranormal. They gave him a look of confusion but had a twinkle of amusement in their eyes.

Perhaps he was suddenly good looking now? No, he was already sixteen-years-old, and while he stood almost six feet tall, Dib was still a nerdy, crazy kid with not much muscular definition.

"Whatever, I still got stuff to buy for Hi Skool before meeting up with Gaz, Iggins, and Keef." Dib sighed. He maneuvered his was around the other teenagers also shopping for supplies (sometimes being thin had its advantages), not noticing that he was being followed. The ebony-haired teen was about to enter the bookstore when he felt a large, strong hand grab his shoulder. Dib whipped his head back, only to be face-to-face with the head of the CIA. While in his younger years when he was interested in only the paranormal and having importance, this visit from the strange man was awkward and unnerving. He had not alerted the authorities on anything (even Zim) for the past two years. Once the two had entered Hi Skool, they rarely spoke to each other except to renew their truce. Why was the man here? Had Dib done something illegal without his knowledge? Or was the elder just stopping through this small town and wanted to mock the scythe-haired boy for old times sake?

"Hello Dib, doing some Skool shopping?" Well, that was casual and unnecessary.

"Yeah… Is there a reason you wanted to see me?" The agent nodded.

"Yes, I know you're busy but I really want to discuss something with you in private. Don't worry, we'll just go into this alley here." The two went to the narrow alley between the bookstore and café, doing their best not to push others.

"What is the problem sir?" Dib asked once they got to their destination. It was only when they were alone did the brunette see how nervous the older male was.

"I think after how many times you have called us, you can call me Bud." He grinned before continuing. "Today I just wanted to ask you about a certain topic... while we normally do not investigate such things, it is a matter of security. Well... while we know that you are definitely the skeptical sort, like any teenager, even you Dib might be _too_ trusting." The man was trying to get his point across to the lanky teen discreetly, but this manner of speak was only confusing him further.

"Uh... Bud, I do not know what you are talking about." The man grabbed his wrist, removed his dark shades, and looked at the other male with deep concern and worry.

"How can you be so sure?!" Dib still did not understand and forcefully removed his wrist from the other man's grasp.

"Be sure about what?" Dib asked exasperated. The head of the CIA was really trying his patience and the brown-eyed boy was vexed by his words. Before the teenager could ask the man to explain himself, he felt a pair of thin, warm arms embrace him from behind and the heated fog of another person's breath against his ivory skin. This caused Dib to let out a squeak of surprise instead of asking all the questions he had in mind. What was this? Were they trying to restrain him now? It was not until he saw a flash of green, poreless skin did he realize who was hugging him from behind.

"It is true sir," A deep, familiar voice spoke; further proving Dib's assumptions correct. "There is no need to bother Dib over it. He is a busy man you know."

Dib's eyes shot out and he was about to elbow the other male in the gut, but he resisted the urge. Especially when he saw the elder man's eyes and saw a strange aura of relief and what he wanted to hear. While all Dib wanted to do was rip Zim's arms off of him, he decided waiting patiently was the best option. Who knew with Zim just what was happening.

"Oh, it is?" Bud stated more than asked. The oldest male looked at the two teenagers with a confident smile. While Dib knew whatever Zim was telling him were all lies, he wanted to at least know what these lies were before beating up the green menace. Still, the dark-haired boy did his best to smile and not appear absolutely baffled by the situation.

"Yes..." Zim hushed into Dib's ear, almost like a threat rather than a statement. "Dib Membrane is my love-pig. You may go back to your headquarters and tell them that Zim is no terrorist, but as innocent as a human smeet."

"Well, that was all I needed. Good day to you two and hope everything works out for you guys!" And the CIA agent left. Once Bud was out of sight, Dib twirled abruptly, forcing himself out of the Irken's arms.

"So this is your little scheme, huh Zim? Telling everyone we're a couple so that you don't get landed in prison. Oh, you really haven't changed, have you? You're willing to say or do anything that will get you out of trouble!" Dib expected to see a smirk or grin in victory, but was instead greeted by an apologetic look and awkward, blue flush on Zim's face. It made the human sigh in frustration. He did not want to see the green visitor in such a state. He wanted the foreigner to fight, to feel proud of what he had done so that the brunette could be angry with him. But all he got were sad, lavender eyes that appeared to be begging for forgiveness. Was he really seeing Zim in front of him, or an actual green-skinned human deformed by the toxins in society?

"Zim had no choice," The green alien explained himself. "They didn't believe me. They had hacked into my computer and saw old plans to take over the world. I tried to tell them that I did not want to take over the world, and that I had grown to like this dirt-ball planet. If I annihilated your kind, who would make Krispy Kreme donuts for GIR, Minimoose, and I? I had not made contact with my Tallest for over a year, and I do not care to conquer the Earth for them. While they are the elite, GIR's wrath when he does not get his snacks is quite... terrifying..." Zim shuddered.

"Oh," Dib blurted out unintelligently. "Did you just tell the CIA?" The Irken blushed again and looked at his feet. While Zim had grown to the normal height of five feet, nine inches tall, he appeared quite small then.

"How many people did you tell?"

"I made GIR tell several people, otherwise it would appear that I was lying." Dib wanted to yell that he was lying, but the scythe-haired teen did not want to draw attention to the two of them with an outburst.

"Okay... why don't we just go our separate ways for now? I need to get two books for English class, and then meet up with my sister and some friends in the cafe."

"We can't do that Dib." Zim whispered. "People will start to get suspicious about me, and I cannot go to prison. GIR and Minimoose would wonder this planet aimlessly without my guidance. We need to make it look real. We won't attract too much attention. We just have to walk next to each other. It will be more convincing that way. Please Dib..." The pale human bit his lip, unsure what to say. He never saw this side of Zim before. Someone who was actually concerned about the well being of others? How was Dib supposed to say no? Dib nodded and grabbed Zim's gloved hand. Despite how much he would have wanted to turn in Zim in the past, this was not the extraterrestrial he fought when he was young. This was an innocent being that fell in love with a planet that was not his own, and would do no harm to it.

After they quickly picked up _The Heart of Darkness_ by Joseph Conrad and _A Handmaid's Tale_ by Margaret Atwood from the bookstore, they went into the cafe and took a private booth towards the back (since that was Gaz's favorite spot). As soon as they decided to take a seat across from one another, a waiter came up to them and asked them for drinks. Once they had finished ordering, Dib finally asked the question that he had wanted to ask Zim since their first treaty.

"So, Zim... you no longer want to take over the world. Would you mind indulging me why?"

"I thought I already did Dib. Do I need to repeat myself?" Zim rolled his eyes before taking a sip of his hot cocoa.

"Oh, that's right. Krispy Kreme donuts," Dib smiled. This was the alien he was familiar with. To desire something so intensely that it could interfere with his life so drastically. But he wasn't expecting to see the ill-disguised being to chuckle lightly and try to hide a grin behind his warm drink.

"Yes, that is one of the reasons. But there is another." Dib was intrigued. Another?

"Do you want to know what it is?" The younger male nodded, and Zim proceeded to lean forward and whisper haughtily into Dib's ear "Love." Dib's eyes bulged! He wanted to say something, but the words would not form and no sound came out. Love? He thought the alien was driven by logic and did not have emotions such as those? Hate? Yes. Friendship? Towards his minions perhaps. But love? Before he could articulate himself (or further embarrass himself), he heard the overly cheerful voice of his somewhat annoying friend Keef.

"Hi Dib! Hi Zim! I did not expect to see the two of you together, but I'm glad! How are you doing?" Keef greeted. The happy boy had not changed except that he was now five feet, eight inches tall and had a slightly more muscular physique. Behind the cheerful individual were an uninterested Gaz and a confused Iggins. Gaz's purple hair now extended past her shoulders and she was an average five feet, five inches tall. Her thin but womanly figure had gained her admirers, but video games were her one, true love. Iggins was still slightly chubby, but he was not an ugly man. He was just as tall as Dib, and like Gaz, video games were his life.

"We were having a good time until _you_ came along..." Zim drawled, giving Keef an angry stare. Dib rolled his eyes and told the alien to behave himself.

"Hey, why is Zim here anyway?" Gaz finally asked now that she completed her game level. Her elder sibling sighed.

"Its a long story."

"Hold on, before anyone sits down I'm going to move. I do not wish to sit next to... that..." The green alien glared at Keef and sat next to Dib. Keef, Gaz, and Iggins sat across from them on the other bench. While the benches could have easily fit three people, Zim sat so close to Dib that the tips of his three-fingered hand brushed against Dib's.

"You never answered my question Dib. Why is Zim here?" The purple-haired girl inquired again. The honey-eyed teen flushed and started stammering.

"Well... I-I- I... um... we..." Zim laughed at the lanky human's inability to communicate and leaned to give Dib a kiss on the cheek.  
Everyone became silent and Dib's face resembled a tomato.

"We love each other. Honest..." The alien purred into the brunette's ear.

"Really?" Keef gasped excitedly.

"Huh, I wondered why you kept rejecting Gretchen." Iggins shrugged.

"No!" Dib cried out, despite the fact that Zim's arm somehow snaked around his thin waist and his smooth, pale lips were just an inch from his collarbone. "He is not my lover, I swear. He's just doing this to save his skin. The CIA thought he was a terrorist and so he lied and said that he's my boyfriend. Apparently they don't think I would date a terrorist due to my past history with them." Gaz and Iggins nodded. Keef's beaming smile depreciated to a slight frown. The ginger thought that the two made a perfect couple and finally saw that as well.

"Would you let go of me? It is really creepy since we've been enemies since grade school." Zim smirked. The disguised alien buried his face in the crook of Dib's neck and held him tighter in order to further embarrass the skinny human. This was going to be a long Skool year.

Strangely, the group of five teenagers did not have a terrible time together and even enjoyed each other's company on the walk home. Still, during the whole time while he held Zim's hand (to help prove the alien's innocence), he could not help but think of his other reason for sparing the Earth. Love. Who would capture the heart of an alien who previously told him and the world that he had no emotions? Who was important enough that Zim would risk betraying his people, culture, life, and everything about him? They surely must be pretty (or at least attractive according to the space invader's standards), had a good brain (Zim did not care for idiots), and did not mind Zim's abnormalities in order to spark some relationship between this human and Zim. Did Dib know her? Did she go to their Skool? Where did she live in the city? How could Dib have missed Zim getting along with someone? Sure, they had lost most contact once Hi Skool began, but the scythe-haired teen did not think they were total strangers. He knew that the former invader had a casual friendship with his sister Gaz, but he knew that her heart secretly belonged to Iggins (whether she knew it or not). Perhaps that was why Zim chose him? He loved Gaz but knew she would never feel the same?

Dib glanced down and saw the genuine happiness that was on Zim's face as he talked to Gaz, but he could not tell if it was love. As he inspected their faces further, he concluded that the possibility was probably slim at most. While Gaz was the only person on Earth (that was human) that Zim would admit to call a friend, he feared her more than anything. Sudden he thought what if it was himself. What if Zim loved Dib? Dib was the only human that interacted with Zim for quite a time, the only other person besides Gaz that he respected, and chose him out of everyone he knew to be his significant other. The alien could have chosen Gaz or Keef, people with better reputations for their sanity (at least Dib's sister did) and yet he went with Dib.

The next day, the dark-haired boy was going to find out. He got up early and walked to Zim's glowing house; it was the only thing that had not changed during the six years Zim lived on Earth. Dib knocked on the door.

"Huh? Dib? What are you doing here? I thought we were going to meet at Skool." Zim said.

"We have to talk if I'm going to follow through with this."

"Talk about what?" The green alien asked, obviously getting nervous.

"We need to talk about what you meant when you said love was one of your reasons for not conquering the Earth." Dib could see Zim's antennas droop in fear. The Irken was surprised that Dib remembered that detail in their conversation. He had only said it to make the younger male flustered.

"I have a right to know Zim."

"So I've ignored my mission for love. What about it?" The extraterrestrial tried to shrug off. It did not work.

"I want a better explanation than that."

"Well, you're not going to get one because I don't have one. So quit asking Dib-Monkey!" That was the first insult that Zim threw at him since this whole thing began.

"It's me you're in love with, isn't it?" Zim said nothing. "It is why you chose me to be your boyfriend. You could have easily went with Gaz. You two are friends and she would probably defend you. But you chose me because I'm the one you want, isn't it? I'm right, aren't I?"

"You know, I think I'm feeling sick. I won't go to Skool today." And he abruptly slammed the door.

"Zim! Zim!" Dib growled before kicking and punching the door. Unfortunately, while the structure looked similar on the outside, the alien did reinforce it with better materials. "This is far from over Zim."

Instead of being absent for the whole day, Zim arrived around lunchtime. He groaned when he saw the seat next to Gaz was taken and resigned his fate to sit next to Keef. However, the bubbly redhead appeared rather blue.

"So... what is wrong with you Keef?"

"My life stinks." He plainly answered. Zim smirked.

"Doesn't it always?" The curly-haired boy sighed and looked as if he was about to cry. Zim glanced in the direction that Keef was staring and it was a direct line-of-sight to Gretchen. The girl was not a striking beauty like Gaz turned out to be, but she was no longer the ugly duckling sitting alone. She had short, straight hair down to her chin that framed his thin face well, and her body was proportioned well. The thing that detracted from her looks, the braces from childhood, was removed and now her smile was as perfect as can be. "I see you got a thing for old metal-mouth."

"Please don't call her that Zim." Keef said almost defensively. Wow, he must really like her in order to defy Zim. But then the green alien hatched a plan. Perhaps if he were to do something nice for one of Dib's friends, it would gain him a little bit of favor when it came to asking the brunette out for real.

"I did not mean anything by it. I am very forgetful with names you know. In fact, I was thinking of helping you."

"Me? Really Zim!" He perked up.

"Yes, yes, it is very generous of me. I know. Now, do you really wish to win over Gretchen?"

"Yeah, I do. But to be honest Zim, I don't think even you can help me. Gretchen is so smitten with Dib, ever since we were young. And while we are still friends, because of how pretty she is now she barely even notices me. I don't blame her though. Dib is handsomer and more interesting than I am..." Keef sighed. "I wish I was better looking for her."

"You shouldn't wish that Keef; she's the one who should be wishing that you were better looking." Zim laughed. Gaz heard the joke while playing and started to chuckle as well. The orange-haired boy sighed and a single tear fell down his face.

"Oh, don't snivel you little Worm-Monkey. It was just a joke. Now lets get serious. While she might have a thing for brunettes, girls do not value looks as much as personality, determination, and devotion. Every day, you have to show evidence of your love. This not only shows how determined you are, but how devoted you are to her. Girls like that in a man because they like monogamy. Now for your personality, you have to showcase that in the trinkets and presents you give her. You should probably focus more on the stuff you have in common versus things you just like. Also, try to get things that have a double meaning. It's the kind of stuff girls get sappy and over analyze."

"Wow, that was actually really good advice! Thanks Zim! I'm going to get started right now." No longer feeling depressed, Keef grabbed his tray, threw it is the garbage, and raced out of the cafeteria. The Irken rolled his eyes and took the empty seat next to Gaz. He leaned over to see her aggressively pushing the buttons of her Game Slave 3DS.

"Never knew you knew so much about girls Zim. But really, you actually think that stuff works?" She questioned, knowing that Zim had in the past believed a lot of false information to be true.

"Eh, its just nonsense that I picked up from movies. But to be honest, it probably works on the majority of the pathetic, human females." He leaned over and placed a flirty arm around Gaz's tiny frame. "Though I think I know an exception." It was an odd game they played. How far could Zim go before getting the purple-haired girl's patience ran thin, and how much patience could Gaz have for the annoying male? To the two of them, it was harmless fun that led to nothing but a strengthening friendship. But to Iggins (who sat on Gaz's other side the whole time), it hurt. Why was she so comfortable with the ugly kid? Iggins knew that he was not handsome, but at least he had a nose and ears! Unknowingly, the large boy was not alone. Dib had just finished checking out several books from the library, and came to the cafeteria to eat for the last ten minutes of lunch. He was shocked to see Zim's right arm around Gaz and whispering something in her ear. Whatever it was, Gaz chuckled and whispered something to him in return. Wasn't Dib the object of his affections? Isn't that why he was chosen and not his sister?

"Aliens suck." He blurted out.

Dib quickly purchased a chocolate muffin and sat across from the green teen; his glare had not diminished. Zim gave him a wink and then continued talking to Gaz. Really? Did the alien dump Dib this morning without him realizing it?

"I am going to go to AP Chemistry now. Remember to meet me at the mall at four Gaz." The green Irken then let go of his hold on Gaz and quickly slid next to Dib. "Hope you had a good first day. Sorry I was so sick this morning my love-pig..." He gave a quick kiss to Dib's jaw and left. Dib blushed and rubbed the spot that Zim had kissed a few seconds ago.

"Hm... you could be a good actor Dib. For a second there, I almost thought you enjoyed that."

"Yeah, well... from what I saw, you weren't exactly pushing Zim away when he was getting all close to you." Dib snapped. He did not understand why his voice had such venom in it. This was his little sister, who he knew had a crush on the boy sitting to her right. Why was he being so defensive? His relationship with Zim was just pretend.

"Its the 'Nervous Game' Dib. You basically touch someone as intimately as you can until they scream. If I scream, I lose. If Zim can't get me to scream, he loses. I don't see why you're so angry. He's not really your boyfriend you know." Gaz clarified before she finally opened her potato chips. Iggins breathed a silent sigh of relief, while Dib was even more confused. She was right. He knew that the two of them were just friends, but why did he still feel so frustrated? The scythe-haired teen tossed those thoughts aside once he saw that there was only five minutes until lunch was over, and tried to forget about a certain green alien.

The days following that, Zim would sit next to Dib (practically on his lap) while conversing with his purple-haired sister. Dib did not really mind the feeling of the Irken's thin legs draped over his thighs. In fact, he found it comforting. It was like a cat curling up to its owner. It scared the ebony-haired teenager how possessive he became over the former invader. It still bothered the fake boyfriend that every day, Zim and Gaz would hang out at the mall for several hours. When had they done this? Why were they doing this? Was Dib completely wrong when he thought his sister was infatuated with the other video game lover? He got his answer that afternoon when Zim at the last second invited him over to the base and Gaz asked Iggins to come over to play games. Dib had not been to the bright-green house since the first morning of Skool, but he held hands with the alien as they walked. It was really nice to spend time with Zim alone. This was familiar. Before, when they were younger, it was just their world. Gaz did not want to participate, Keef was a common enemy due to his cheerfulness, and everyone else was just gray background. Hi Skool really does change people.

Zim ordered him to sit down on the couch while he fetched for something in the kitchen. It wasn't long until he came back with a dark blue package with a silver bow.

"Is this for me?"

"Yes. I could not decide for the longest time, but Gaz convinced me this one was the best." Dib did not really know what to say.

"Uh... thank you Zim."

"Do not thank me until you have opened it. You might not like it." Dib smiled. He did not know why, but that statement just sounded so much like the Zim he always knew. He carefully undid the bow, and opened the box to see a platinum ring with a large, emerald-cut, black diamond. The honey-eyed teenager gasped. This must have been expensive!

"Zim..."

"You don't like it, do you? I knew-"

"No! I really like it. Its just, I hope you did not spend too much on me." Dib blushed.

"It was nothing really. The most impressive part is its ability, not looks. If you turn the stone counter-clockwise, you will age as fast as an Irken. If you desire to age as you normally would, you return it to its original position."

"Wow! This is amazing! You guys live for so long... why are you giving this to me?"

"Because there was something more important that I wanted to ask you." Zim sighed and took a seat on the couch next to Dib. "D-Dib..." The brunette could not believe how shaky the alien's voice was. "Would you be my boyfriend? For real this time?"

"For real?" Dib whispered.

"I promise not to play the Nervous Game with Gaz, act weird, or do anything terribly annoying. I am even helping Keef to get that Gretchen-female he desired. Zim is trying really hard in order to be someone appropriate for you and will continue to do so. So would you go out with me?" There was a long pause. Before Dib could give his answer, GIR stormed into the room.

"Hello Bighead! You watch Angry Monkey now?" The Irken growled but restrained himself.

"Perhaps you should leave now Dib. You may give me an answer tomorrow." Zim said and walked up to open the front door for him. The human sighed and did as Zim suggested, but...

"I already know my answer..." He whispered as he left to go home.

The two males did not see each other until they had their only shared class together, Physical Education. They were playing soccer, and Zim and Dib were on opposing sides. They were barely participating though. Zim was waiting for eventual, crushing rejection and Dib was frustrated because he could never seem to get the former invader alone. Every time he tried to approach the older male with his answer, Zim would meander away. It was like trying to catch smoke with his bare hands.

Soon they heard a thunderous boom and Zim was immediately excused from further activity due to his allergy. Now was his chance! Dib made an excuse that his calf was hurting, allowing him to venture inside and finally get to talk to Zim.

"Zim, there you are! I have been trying to-"

"I already know your answer." He did?

"Oh, well... how do we um... oh, the hell with it!" Dib shrugged and crushed their lips together. Zim gasped. He held on tight to the taller human, never wanting to escape this moment...

"_AH_!" Dib screamed as he woke up. He looked down to see his tiny frame was still intact, and he was definitely not kissing his worst enemy. Oh lord! It was one the scariest nightmares he ever had. Nothing in that world was consistent! Why was everyone not acting like themselves and were only focused on love and sex? Why did he sudden fall in love with Zim despite everything they had been though? WHERE WAS THE LOGIC?!

"Urgh, that is it. No more leftovers from Bloaty's for me." He vowed before going back to sleep.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed it.

Thank you for the reviews for "Dear Dib." I was really worried that no one would like it because "Dear Zim" was the least read of all my chapters (still is).

**Last Note**- If any of you are good at making videos, would you ever make a ZADR one to the song _Flesh_ by Simon Curtis? Or _Super Psycho Love_ by the same artist? Because I think those are pretty fitting ZADR songs.


	12. Visiting

Title: Visiting

Rated: K

Summary: Zim visits Dib after injuring him.

Word Count: 986

As to the person who reviewed who liked the last chapter, don't be ashamed! If you like high school AUs, then good for you. I personally do not find the appeal in them. So... in order to make you feel better, I wrote my favorite cliche which is Zim or Dib comforting each other when hurt. Teehee...

* * *

Zim was annoyed to hear that the Dib-filth was injured and still recovering at his home. While he usually did not care about the human's injuries, he did not like that they were not afflicted by him. But the worst part that happened whenever Dib was ill or weak, was that the alien could not stop thinking about him. So many questions flooded the Irken's mind. How did Dib get hurt in the first place? How long would the young boy be out of commission? Could he ever repeat this action and cause the damage himself to the stinky creature? Zim slammed his fist hard on his desk and hissed. Sadly, the only logical solution that he could come up with was visiting his enemy.

As soon as he heard the bell ring, he rushed out of the public institution. Zim knew the best way to sneak into Dib's house was to go through the second story window that had a broken lock. The invader wondered how the human could not have noticed this weakness in his fortress, but then realized that the smelly being was usually focused on viewing Zim's base than strengthening his fortitudes. The slender alien removed his wig and contacts (since the Dib-human had seen him so many times outside of his disguise), and used his nimble PAK legs to delve inside. This room was a vacant, guest bedroom. Apparently because humans needed to spend at least a third of their lives asleep, if they spent more than sixteen hours away from home it is appreciated to have a room to replenish one's energy. Inferior creatures and their need to sleep were laughable.

The extraterrestrial scurried out, careful to make sure there was no one else in the home before allowing himself into the hall. He retracted his extra limbs and walked down the narrow corridor. It was not until he reached the last door before the stairway did Zim find his destination. Dib's room was left slightly ajar and Zim just barged in without any hesitation.

"What the- Why are you here?!" Dib gasped.

"I am here visiting you. Is that wrong?" Zim asked before he sneered in disgust. Humans and their strong body odor filled such confined rooms with their stench. While the Dib-beast was not as filthy and germ-filled as the other creatures of his race, his scent was everywhere in this room. He stared at the youthful investigator, and saw that Dib's foot was in a primitive cast and a couple of bandages wrapped around his large head. The human did not seem to be so hurt that he could not walk or attend Skool, so why was he home?

"Yeah, I have a problem with you visiting. You're an alien menace who broke into my house. How did you get in?" Zim smirked.

"That is for me to know and you to never find out. Now tell me why you stayed home?"

"Uh, because my foot is broken and I have a concussion from our last fight! Duh!" Dib rolled his eyes at the oblivious invader. Humans worried about nothing. Broken bones and slight head trauma were not life threatening or serious. It only took a couple hours for those wounds to heal. The little, green man shrugged his shoulders and examined the bedroom with curiosity. The boy was really obsessed with his existence. There were photos of him in and out of his disguise, his base, and GIR in several locations. While he did not wish to read all the notes posted to the walls, the foreigner knew that they all had some detail, information, or assumption about him. Perhaps it was the inquisitive scientist in his rival, but Zim could not help but feel a little proud by the amount of observations that Dib made on him.

"I know that I wounded you, but they were minor." The dark-eyed human groaned and slapped the palm of his hand against his forehead.

"They are not for humans Zim. Broken bones are a serious matter. It will take about two months for me to be fully functional again, possibly longer because it is my foot." Zim's eyes bulged. He knew the creatures were fragile, but he never knew they were that vulnerable as well.

"If that is the case, we should check your temperature to make sure that you are not developing a fever. This slow, healing process probably leaves you susceptible to infection too, doesn't it?" Dib nodded but did not expect the alien to get onto his bed and press their foreheads together. The only thing he saw was the blank stare in Zim's eyes as the alien determined if he was too warm. While he had been this close to Zim before, it was during combat and never had the time to examine his features. The glossy, bright eyes were so different from his eyes and yet they expressed just as much. During that moment in time, Dib found Zim attractive. Perhaps the concussion was affecting him more that he thought, but the younger male reached out to pull Zim closer to him and pressed their lips together. What surprised him the most was that the elder entity did not struggle away. Dib released the other (because he needed to breathe) and saw an emotion he could not determine.

"Just focus on getting well human. You fragile thing..." Zim whispered before kissing him this time. It was brief just like the first one, but because the green alien initiated it Dib could feel his body quiver from the electricity surging through him. "You are developing a fever. We shall continue this another time." Before the scythe-haired boy could protest, Zim extracted his PAK legs and slipped through his window. Now Dib could not wait to get better.

* * *

Hope you liked it. :)


	13. Annoyingly Attractive

Title: Annoyingly Attractive

Rated: T

Summary: Zim tells Dib that he's attractive.

Word Count: 1,586

* * *

Dib thought it was odd that Zim decided to sit across from him in the cafeteria, but there was never a time the alien acted normal. He ignored the green man's presence, not wanting a fight while he ate. There was an awkward silence until…

"Why are you so attractive Dib-Stink?" Whoa! Dib almost choked on his soda. The ebony-haired boy painfully swallowed what was in his mouth in one gulp and put the can down before even more accidents occurred. He slowly turned his head to face Zim, who had the usual sneer on his face. Did Dib just imagine those words being uttered by the invader? Could this be just another weird dream that his mind had conjured? It wasn't until the Irken huffed a "Well?" did the human realize he had not hallucinated that moment. The green alien found him attractive, and glared at him as if waiting for an apology for being good-looking. He did not know whether to laugh or be disturbed by the extraterrestrial.

"You think I am attractive?" Dib asked, still bewildered by the thought.

"No!" Zim snapped, but then realized the contradiction he had made. "Yes…" He corrected with a deep frown on his face. The frown was followed by a light flush to Zim's cheeks. Was the alien blushing?

"Do not misinterpret my words Worm-Baby; I am not saying that I am attracted to you. I am merely stating that considering that you are a filthy, germ-ridden Earthling, you are quite good looking and I just happened to notice." Zim then lifted his thin, flexible leg onto the table and declared "And it fills me with _rage_!" He pointed an accusing finger at Dib, causing everyone to stare at the two children who were dubbed "weird" by society. The paranormal investigator sighed and rested his head against his hand. After thirty seconds, the green alien became aware of everyone's stares and slowly lowered himself back onto the bench. He retracted his hand, but still kept the annoyed glare focused on Dib.

"Why bring this up now?" The brunette nervously requested.

"I don't know. Are there scheduled times that humans reserve for these occasions?" Zim wondered with curiosity. While he had only lived on Earth for a couple of months, the alien knew that he did not know all the rituals and customs of the foreign species.

"Well, no. So... I-I... um... okay, what?!" Dib stuttered, not knowing how to articulate himself. The green man sighed and shook his head as if he pitied the younger male. Apparently this phenomenon was so unusual that the stupid human had lost his capability of forming coherent words. Did humans not talk about attraction and simple observations? The advertisements on the television and billboards certainly suggested that these things were a part of their culture. Perhaps Dib's upbringing had censored this information. Still, Zim could not help but roll his eyes at the shocked boy and decided to end the other's miserable attempts to speak.

"You... are good-looking." He explained slowly and bluntly to Dib. It sounded as if he was acting patient with the scythe-haired boy. "You are what most would consider handsome, dashing, or admirably beautiful. Do you understand what I am talking about so far?" It was as if Zim were talking to a cat instead of a sentient being. Dib wanted to sneer at the alien for treating him in such a manner, but he could not stop himself from turning pink all over. He squirmed in his seat, whipped his head back and forth to make sure no one was listening, and grumbled something about stupid extraterrestrials. The amber-eyed boy avoided Zim's eyes in order to prevent himself from blushing a deeper hue of red.

"Uh... thanks Zim." He finally responded. The elder entity rolled his eyes for a second time at Dib that day.

"I am not complimenting you on this trait Earth-Smell. I am annoyed by it; in other words, I am opposing it." Zim got up and shuffled around the rectangular table. He stopped moving once he was sitting to right next to Dib; the dark-haired preteen could smell the chocolate and sweets from Zim's breath.

"Look at your hands." The jade-colored male commanded while grabbing the other's pale arm. Dib grimaced and glanced at his hand.

"What's wrong with them?" He gasped, not seeing what Zim was seeing.

"Nothing, that's the freaky thing! Your fingernails are cleanly cut, and there is no dirt under them. Not only that, but they are softer than my warrior's tunic." Zim pointed out with a hiss to his voice. He forced Dib to touch his pink shirt, and it was just as soft as any cotton material the preteen had ever worn. Then Zim pulled the glove off his right hand and smoothed it over Dib's left, muttering something about it being like silk.

"Normal Earth-Monkeys' hands are dirty." The bright-colored alien paused to shudder in horror. "So filthy... but your hands would probably pass an Irken sanitation test. And all you probably use is simple soap and your acidic water." The paranormal-obsessed nerd rolled his eyes.

"Zim, most people do not think others are attractive based on their hands..."

"That is not the only reason why I believe you are enthralling. Now would you please stay silent and let me continue to explain all the parts of you that are attractive, or are you going to defy Zim and bring a wrath upon yourself that you will definitely not survive?" Dib wanted to protest, but held the urge. Perhaps this information would be to his advantage. If he knew what the Irkens were attracted to in creatures, it could form some sort of plan that involved this weakness. After all, it was kind of nice that someone thought he was pleasant to look at. He was an awkward preteen that was just beginning puberty, and he did not exactly enjoy compliments from anyone due to his obsessions and supposed, large head (how was it any bigger than anyone else's head?).

"You have a wider head than most people. Normally, this makes people look chubby, but you don't. Somehow, it goes well with your skinny figure." Zim casually commented before pointing at Dib's flat stomach.

"Also, I have been doing some research and there is a correlation to glasses and lack of sexual appeal. But this is clearly not the case with you! I have only seen you once without your seeing device, and I have concluded that you are indeed much better looking with them on. They accentuate your eyes and cheekbones, but also bring more light and dimension to your pale skin." Dib blushed when he felt Zim's bare hand graze against his cheek. He slapped the curious hand away and scooted a couple inches away from the invader. Zim huffed and crept closer so that their hips were touching. Dib sighed and looked back at Zim who had an expression he could not read. Okay, deep breath...

"Why are you complaining about me being... pleasing to you?"

"You are not pleasing to me. Your behavior gets in my way. I am saying that for a human, you are mesmeric and gorgeous." Zim corrected. The brunette pushed his food away and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Again, these are all complaints and are not meant to be taken in a good way. Right?"

"Yes, now may I get to the final reason for your sexual appeal?" Oh lord! There was more? Before Dib could protest, Zim slipped an arm around Dib's waist and pulled him against his chest. Dib squeaked in surprise and looked around to see if anyone was watching. Apparently no one seemed to care that they were so close that they could practically kiss.

"Your lips." And then Zim swooped down and forced his green ones onto Dib's soft, pink lips. The ebony-haired preteen gasped, giving the eager alien the opportunity to slip his tongue into the wet cavern. Dib could feel the heat increase due to his moist tongue coming into contact with Zim's scaly appendage, and yet it was not unpleasant. The pale boy could feel his arms instinctively wrap around Zim's neck, drawing the green male closer. Just as he was about to close his eyes and forget that he was inside the Skool cafeteria, the Irken pulled away. The alien teen said something about humans needing more oxygen intake than his kind before kissing Dib again. Shivers went down both of their spines, and they shoved their bodies even closer together. Dib groaned and snaked his tongue around the other male's, trying his best to win their game (despite his inexperience). Zim tilted his head to the side so he could put more force into the kiss. They kept sharing heated kisses and wonderful body heat until they heard the bell ring. The Irken withdrew himself and pushed Dib hard enough that the human fell off the bench.

"I have been wanting to do that for a while. See you when I try releasing my mutant, demon squid on the world. I think he'll listen to me now." And quickly the alien left the young, but attractive human on the floor.

"Wait! Zim! Urgh..." Dib growled.

* * *

Urgh, why do I like awkward, not-so-romantic ZADR? Seriously, it is like my crack.


	14. Aki and Gretchen

Title: Aki and Gretchen

Rated: K+

Summary: Zim causes two girls' hearts to break in one day.

Word Count: 826

Thank you for the reviews! I was going to send you guys a private message, but then I thought I would be abusing your inbox. :D

Sorry this isn't really ZADR, but eh. If I did not write it, then I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it.

* * *

Everyone was avoiding the Zim and Dib more than usual. This could be because today, Zim crushed the hearts of two girls Aki and Gretchen with the help of the ebony-haired preteen.

While Gretchen was used to the repeated rejections made by Dib, Aki was a popular girl. The dark-skinned child had risked her reputation, friends, and dignity by admitting to liking the weird, green-skinned boy and finally asking him out before Recess. There was total silence for the first five minutes. Everyone gasped when the Native American uttered those words; some of the children were holding their breath. Surely a guy as awkward and ugly as Zim would see the significance of this event-

"Eh, I'm not interested Earth-Larvae." And the bell rang. Zim was the only one to get up and leave, humming a merry tune as he did so. It was only when he left the classroom for the playground did Aki break down into tears. She curled up into a ball beside Zim's desk and sobbed silently against her knees. All the girls gathered around the crushed girl, trying to whisper reassurances and encouragements to calm her down. Eventually after five minutes, all the kids left the room as planned and onto the playground. They played their games, but purposely made sure to brush off Zim in any way possible. The green-skinned being was confused as to why the inferior creatures were ignoring his attempts to play with them, but Dib could not help but laugh at the oblivious alien.

"Look at him Gaz! I forget how stupid Zim can be." Dib remarked to his sister.

"Hm." She shrugged. While it was amusing to see Zim suck at doing anything, it never brought a chuckle out of her unless he was really angry. Still, even with the lack of reaction from Gaz, the brown-eyed boy grinned and cackled at the extraterrestrial.

"And what is so funny Dib-Filth?" Zim snapped for he was tired of the laughter.

"That you think anyone would want to be around you right now. You know nothing about preteens." The bright-skinned creature was intrigued. So he did do something to cause such a negative reaction from the humans.

"Explain yourself Worm-Stink!" He yelled at Dib. The ebony-haired preteen sighed.

"You rejected one of the most popular girls in class, and you did not do it in a gentle way." Zim was fascinated by the tidbit of information. So humans really valued relationships, especially pertaining to potential mates. The alien knew that it was only a matter of time that an _actual_ human (since Tak did not count) would desire his superior features that were not seen in the other dirt-monkeys. But still, this could serve as a problem. If he did not know the proper way of rejecting Earth females, this could lead to exposure to his identity.

"How do I remedy this situation?" The foreigner asked himself, forgetting about Dib and Gaz.

"You could just wait. They will forget." Dib said in a long, exasperated sigh. Was the alien actually thinking seriously about this situation?

"Or you could kiss a boy and make everyone think you're gay. That way no girl would ask you out again." The elder sibling laughed at Gaz's suggestion. Why did he not think of that? It would be funny seeing Zim kissing random guys and declaring his love of the male anatomy!

"So little Gaz, all I have to do to show I am gay is kiss a male child?"

"Yup. Now stop asking me questions. I need full concentration for the final level."

"Huh... fascinating... and Dib-human, this will stop all advancements made by human females and they will not question my humanity?" Dib could barely keep a straight face.

"Oh yeah! No girl will ever ask you out you again." But you might get a couple of creepy guys chasing after you! The honey-eyed boy grinned and wished he had some popcorn to eat while watching Zim humiliate himself.

But the green alien did not chase around the playground kissing every boy in sight. Instead, he pounced Dib and forced his rough, scaly mouth against the unsuspecting preteen. Dib struggled and tried to push the elder entity off of him, not wanting to be violated by an alien over a century old. He could everyone's gasps and wanted to reduce the damage done, but Zim was determined and strong. His struggling only appeared to be that of an eager, hormonally driven boy. When Zim pulled away and smiled triumphantly, Dib shoved him off and yelled, "I hate you Zim!" Still, even with that display of hate, everyone thought it was just the musing of an embarrassed boy who was not ready to "come out of the closet."

Gretchen could feel tears building and ran quickly back inside to hide in the bathroom.

* * *

I always feel bad for Gretchen. :( Especially since I ship ZADR, DATR, and even DADR, but not Dib/Gretchen...


	15. Does it Hurt?

Title: Does it Hurt?

Rated: K+

Summary: Dib asks Zim if kissing hurts.

Word Count: 368

* * *

"Doesn't kissing hurt you?" Dib asked one day while hanging out with his boyfriend. The boys had been dating for several weeks and the Earthling had been pondering that question since they first kissed. He wanted to ask earlier, but every time he was alone with Zim... well, he got easily distracted. Zim finally lifted his eyes from the television and shrugged. The alien did not see how this information mattered.

"It depends. When it is just the lips, I feel no pain. But if we use our tongues, I am unable to taste any food for a week." The dark-haired boy immediately felt guilty. Although he still prevented Zim from taking over the world through any means he could, Dib did not like to hurt him when they were on a date or being intimate.

"Why do you look so sad?" Zim asked after noticing the sad expression on Dib's face.

"Because I have been hurting you!"

"So? We both attempted to kill each other before. I have stolen your right lung, attempted to drown you with a giant water balloon, and tried to erase you from history. I think kissing is the least violent thing we have done to each other." The alien bluntly mentioned. The honey-eyed preteen sighed and scooted closer so he could give the invader a hug. Zim rolled his eyes and pushed the younger male away from him.

"I don't care about the pain you stupid Worm-Baby. It is okay if I do not taste anything but you in my mouth for a week. I like it that way." Dib cocked an eyebrow.

"I thought you said you don't taste anything for a week."

"I cannot taste any food that I intake like candy and fun dip, because the your taste is burned and imprinted into my mouth. I like that feeling though." Zim smirked. The pale child smiled. It was funny how an alien that apparently had no emotions, was one of the most romantic people he had ever met. The green male was willing to deal with the pain he gets from his allergy to water, in order to kiss Dib and feel him.

* * *

Something I thought of while working. Typed this up during my lunch break. :D


	16. Taking Advantage of It

Title: Taking Advantage of It

Rated: T

Summary: Dib stops Zim from blowing up the Earth.

Word Count: 867

This is a sequel to "Annoyingly Attractive."

* * *

Dib raced to Fort Knox in Tak's ship. He could not let Zim get to those missiles and cause a Nuclear War. Earlier in the week, Ms. Bitters taught the history of the Cold War. She focused mainly on the fear of the destruction of the world through the weapons, and the ebony-haired preteen saw the spark in the alien's eyes when he heard of the missiles. Despite the awkward moment in the cafeteria, the savior of mankind could not let the green entity win. It was now that he decided to use his ultimate, trump card on the alien. The extraterrestrial would not be able to defend against this.

Once the ship landed within military grounds, the dark-haired boy slipped past security (sometimes it was good to be short) and navigated through the corridors. As he crept closer to the Nuclear Arms, he could hear the soft chuckling of a familiar alien. Oh no!

"Zim..." He gasped softly. The preteen dashed faster down the facility. The dark, brick hallways were confusing but Dib did not care. He needed to get to the Irken otherwise the Earth was doomed. He could hear the echo of his footsteps and the ever-growing laughter from the evil extraterrestrial. Dib hoped he was not too late, but once he finally found Zim he saw the ten-minute count down. If he did not stop the invader within the time frame, the maniacal being would have destroyed everything he loved. His family, the town he lived his whole life in, a country he loved, and the only world he knew. He sincerely hoped this worked. Dib slowly walked up to Zim and grabbed the elder male's shoulders to spin him around.

"Zim, you are going to stop this! Now!" The green invader smirked.

"And why would I do that?" It was Dib's turn to smirk. He leaned forward; his soft, petal-shaped lips just brushed against the sensitive antenna. The dark-haired human could feel the alien shiver from the contact. Yes! It's working. The alien should have never revealed his weakness to his worst enemy.

"If you destroy the world, we won't be able to kiss anymore." Dib pouted, making sure every time he moved his lips the invader felt it. He could feel the intense heat radiating from Zim's face. Nine minutes.

"I-Is that... bad?" The bright-colored teen nervously asked. Dib pulled away and gave Zim an intense stare.

"You don't remember? Hm... I guess you'll have to find out for yourself all over again." And pulled the alien even closer. He did not want fill the gap between their lips, wanting Zim to decide in order to deny the alien the idea that Dib was assaulting him. Zim growled, knowing what the Earthling was doing but he could not ignore his desires for the preteen. He pressed himself against the dark-haired boy's lips, shuddering when he could feel all the passion and obsession rushing though him. The pale male groaned and slipped his tongue into Zim's willing mouth. Dib did not know what was louder, the ticking of the clock or his heartbeat thumping against his rib cage. Dib could feel Zim's curious hands wandering all over his body, touching and rubbing erogenous areas of the Earthling's body that Dib did not know he had. Finally, the brown-eyed boy pulled away and lightly pushed Zim away from his body. The Irken gave a soft whine, but then composed himself. Three minutes.

"I assume you will not teleport onto the ship with me at the last minute, will you?"

"Nope!" Dib announced. Two minutes.

"Why must you be so attractive but stubborn?" Zim groaned. Dib shrugged.

"Would you want me any other way?" The alien sighed and grumbled that the other had a good point. One minute. Zim finally pushed the button to stop the activation of the missiles, causing the human to smile.

"Fine human. You win. I will find another way to conquer the world without physically destroying the planet." He said before taking his black gloves off. The preteen wondered why Zim was removing his protective gear until he saw the alien's mouth curl in a cat-like grin. The bright-skinned being tackled the unsuspecting human, forcing his mouth onto his. Dib cried out into Zim's mouth, not expecting this. He pushed Zim off, but the alien was persistent.

"Wait! Security... will find you, and catch you!" The dark-haired boy tried to rationalize. The alien smirked.

"I hacked into the security system. All they see is a perfect photo of the missiles in storage, and nothing else." _This was not a part of the plan!_ "Now, I think I'm going to take advantage of these kissing privileges that I have _rightfully_ earned." Zim grinned and fingered the waistband of ivory boy's pants.

"Hey! Nothing below the belt! I'm only twelve!" Dib blushed. He was not going to lose his virginity at twelve-years-old, in Fort Knox, after just saving the world from total destruction... despite how convincing Zim was being right now...

* * *

Bad sequel... but for some reason I like it. Hahaha! Feel the wrath of terrible writing! XD


	17. Science of Love

Title: Science of Love

Rated: K+ / T? I don't know.

Summary: Zim tries to make Dib fall in love with him with science.

Word Count: 2049

This was inspired by my Medical School textbook (hah!). All the science, whether it is hormones, chemicals, conditions, and psychological stuff is true. :) Also, Dib's past is totally made up by me so don't ask me if it is canon or not.

* * *

Zim could not wait to test out his newest weapon against the Dib-human. It was ingenious really. The green alien had invented a new nanotechnology that when injected into a person's bloodstream would seek out their brain and attach itself to the brain. From there, the device will release all the hormones and chemicals needed for love. The tiny robot would flood Dib's brain with adrenaline, cortisol, dopamine, and serotonin in order to make the younger male enthralled with passion and obsessed with him (should not be hard to accomplish the later). But the big punch to the ego would be what was released at after five minutes of the nanobot's attachment, which was an intoxicating concoction of oxytocin and vasopressin. According to the research he had done by hacking into the Medical University's resources, these two hormones were the cause of humans' ability to form deep attachments and form single-pair bonds to each other. If his data was correct, then within ten minutes the filthy creature would be unable to resist the Irken invader, and the world would have no savior to stop his plans. All Zim had to do was during that window of time, was attract Dib's attention for the majority of those precious minutes.

"This is going to be almost too easy..." The bright-skinned extraterrestrial grinned. His roaring cackle filled the base, echoing down the various hallways in a terrifying way.

The easiest way to get the invasive device into the ebony-haired preteen was to use the thinnest needle he could find. It was not hard. He had a ultra-fine needle that was twenty times smaller than the thinnest one he could find on Earth, meaning that it was barely a hundredth of a millimeter wide. However, the somewhat delicate, essential piece to his plan might get damaged or not pierce through if he placed it innocently on the young man's seat (plus, they did not sit right next to each other during class). So the next convenient time to inject the young man that would allow them to bond? The dreaded, awful lunch period full of poisonous food-stuffs sadly. As soon as Zim gathered his food (if he could even call it that), he scouted the area and saw the familiar scythe-styled hair next to dark-purple hair. Perfect. He sneaked up on the unsuspecting boy, and gave him a quick jab of the needle at the neck. The alien quickly pulled away, but the needle was so thin that Dib did not even notice. Zim smirked. He confidently took the seat to Dib's left, and called out to the Earthling "Hello Dib..." with a slight purr to his voice. Apparently humans thought it was sexy.

"Uh... what are you doing here?" Dib questioned and put his hands on his hips defiantly. The ten minutes should be starting now.

"Can't two humans spend time together during designated social hours?" Zim grinned, making the dark-haired preteen automatically suspicious of him.

"Really, why are you here?"

"I wanted to share some private, intimate information on myself with you." The alien answered honestly. While the serum was powerful, the medical community's advice on speeding the process of love was to share details about each other for seven minutes, and then stare into the other person's eyes for three minutes (they suggested cuddling during this process as well, but Zim wanted to refrain all physical contact with the smelly creature as much as possible).

"Wow, you really think I'm going to fall for that?"

"It is true Dib. I do not want to fight, or even exchange heated words. All I want to do is discuss about myself and my race, and in return, you will tell me about yourself. It is a win-win situation, is it not? You gain knowledge about my race while I obtain new information on humans." Dib rolled his eyes.

"How would we know when the other is lying?"

"We don't. You have as much license to lie to me as I to you. We do not have to go into details about our species if you would like. I would just like to know more about the human that has been able to match wits with me. It interests me." Again, these were not lies. While the scheme called for this, the Irken was genuinely curious about the somewhat intelligent human. Because of this genuine appearance, the dark-haired boy let his guard down and agreed to the exchange. Excellent.

"You go first though." Dib quipped. Zim nodded and let out an "Of course!" before talking.

"I used to be in Military Science's development and study before becoming an invader. I was around the same age you were at the time, about twelve. Quite a young age, but they saw my natural talent in the field." Zim boasted. Dib pulled out a notebook and jotted the information down.

"What did you do there?" The Irken smiled and tsk'ed at the human.

"Now Earthling, I thought we were sharing ourselves, not documenting my biography. While I am a great individual, I want to know about my equal." Dear Irk, the green man could barely hold his vomit! Still, his expression must have seemed convincing because the human agreed and stated a fact about himself.

"I was supposed to go into the gifted program when I was four years old. But when they found out about my aspirations to become a paranormal investigator... they kicked me out because they thought I leaned more on the side of crazy than genius." Dib sighed. The human was still hurt by the memory. Zim copied the same sad face and put a gentle hand on the paranormal-obsessed boy's shoulder. Dib immediately withdrew his shoulder and stared at Zim as if he were insane. The alien pretended to be embarrassed by the act and said that he heard that humans comforted each other by rubbing the hurt individual's shoulders, neck, or back. But really... it was all part of the plan. Touch during the release of the four pleasure hormones, only strengthened the desired attraction and obsession he wanted out of Dib. But he needed to keep talking for at least another five minutes and the more intimate the details he could fish out of the preteen, the deeper the bond he'll solidify between them. Time to take things to the next level.

"Do not feel bad for such things. Despite how great I am, I too have had my share of failures." Dib grinned.

"Besides the ones you've had here on Earth?"

"And who is to blame for _those_?!" Zim hissed. He blushed at his lack of control, but apparently it was not a huge mistake because it cause the human to laugh.

"Okay, okay, now what failures have you had in your life?" He asked as he prepared to write it down. The invader cleared his throat.

"Well, it is a bit... difficult to come to terms with to this day, but there is a reason that I transferred myself into become an Invader instead of staying in Military Science was due to an experiment of mine. I wanted to harness the power of a black hole, and so I created a massive, blog-like creature that could obliterate all that stood in it's way. It was so impressive that I wanted to present my project to our leader, Tallest Miyuki. She was in awe of course, but then everything went horribly wrong. The blog absorbed her, and escaped into outside of our atmosphere. Now it roams the galaxy absorbing anything that comes in the blob's path." Zim confessed. Dib cocked an eyebrow at the information.

"... I don't really know what to say. I did not know your destructive behavior extended to that extent! You killed one of your leaders and you are pretty sure that you invented a creature that will likely eat us all?" Dib gasped. The alien paused to think and then shrugged his shoulders.

"Yes, that is the truth."

"Wow... I don't really know what else to say besides that."

"Would you tell Zim a tale about yourself? I know it won't be as impressive as mine, but as I said before... I am curious..." He almost hummed with how long he drew out the syllables. Dib blinked at the unusual behavior from Zim, but rationalized that there was nothing normal about the extraterrestrial.

"Okay... well... hm..." Dib paused to think of a memory. "At eight years old, I captured what I thought was a baby-form of a Sasquatch creature. I was so thrilled because I thought this was the day when everyone would stop thinking I was crazy. My father took a DNA analysis on it and... it was a kid. A poor kid that was suffering from Hypertrichosis or Ambras Syndrome. Apparently the condition causes thick, dense hairs to grow all over the body, and is more common than most people would think. While the Sasquatch-looking kid's case was rare, apparently many people have Hypertrichosis without knowing it because it is usually in a specific region on the body. Most people just think they are just particularly hairy in that part of their body. I was so disappointed and hurt by the ridicule that I did not watch Mysterious Mysteries for three months. Still, I can't get away from it despite how much embarrassment I have brought upon myself. At least you were smart enough to go into a field that suited your... chaotic ways?" Dib tried to say nicely. Zim smiled. This was great! Such graphic and intimate information being brought out was surely the work of his love potion. But he still had two minutes of talking to go.

"We have more in common than I predicted." Zim stated. Dib nodded. It was odd to hear the alien talk with no malice in his voice, but it was not a bad thing.

"I wonder what were to become of our relationship if I were still a scientist. If I came to this planet, I would have just written your species' advancements as too primitive to benefit my kind, and your planet would have been written off as too unimportant to invade. Perhaps if we had met during those circumstances, we would behave much different. Perhaps we would have what your people call _friendship_." Zim wanted to gag but he had to wait until the serum took full effect. But the unexpected happened. The Dib-thing laughed. No, the Earth-Stink practically howled. What was going on? The nanobot's influence should have rendered the Worm-Monkey to bend to Zim's will by now! Zim decided to stay quiet by biting his lip. He did not want to jeopardize his plan when it was so close to being finished. The oxytocin and vasopressin were going to work their magic and soon Dib would never want to part with him ever again. Just three more minutes of silence should seal the deal.

"Sorry Zim, but I can't see any lifetime where we would be friends." Dib commented after he was done mocking the idea and returned to his food. The human stared at the alien curiously, wondering what the elder entity was going to say or do. But nothing. The two stared at each other for three minutes until Zim broke their stare-off by looking at the clock. The green being huffed and crossed his arms. Why was the Dib not fawning over him and deeply attracted? It should have worked!

"Hm... it appears that I need to attend to something Earth-Stink." Zim excused himself. Dib then realized it was the first time that day that Zim insulted him. The little, green man dashed out of the cafeteria and rushed back to his base. Where did he go wrong? Where was the obsession? The desire? The incapacitation of thinking of anything besides Zim? Where was the love that he so desired from the Earthling?

"I knew I should not have trusted those stupid Earthlings when it comes to _science_."

* * *

Hm... I wonder why it did not work even though it is true... XD I'm so lame.


	18. First Time we Met

Title: First Time we Met

Rated: K

Summary: The first time Zim and Dib met.

Word Count: 782

Not really ZADR, but just a headcanon of mine based on something Dib said in the Dark Harvest episode. If you could not already tell, that is my favorite episode.

* * *

Professor Membrane rocked his baby to sleep. The scientist was especially proud of his son; although he was a clone of the genius, the one-year-old was surpassing Membrane's expectations and was so engaging. He looked at the world with wide, bright eyes and absorbed information by sight alone. As the infant's eyes fluttered closed, the accomplished man leaned down and kissed his son on the forehead. Professor Membrane tenderly placed the baby in the designated crib before preparing to go to bed himself.

Dib lay in his bed, absorbing everything that his father taught him that day. He could see the numbers, hear the soft melody of the piano, and feel the smooth textures of the Lego blocks. But the ebony-haired boy was awoken by a soft hum. It was a deep, rumbling sound that caused the blanket that his father tucked him in to fall. The startled infant saw a piercing light that went into his room and fixed on his lying form. Dib tried to call out for his father, but before he could, the beam transported him out of his room and into a dark, unfamiliar place.

It was full of strange tubing in the color of several, dark shades of purple and pink, and there was a foreign, triangular symbol plastered on all of the technology. The curious boy immediately rose to his feet and wandered the unusual place. It reminded him of his father's lab (which was kept off limits to the infant), but there were so many things he could not identify. Just as he was about to reach out and touch something, he heard a booming yell in the distance.

"Skoodge! Look what you are doing! You are exposing us to the native fauna and you do not even know where we are!" The angry voice criticized.

"I'm sorry Zim! I think we went out too far. This place is not charted!" A timid voice replied. Dib thought they were people that could help him and raced in the direction of the sound. As he turned the corner though, his eyes bulged in shock. The two people that he had heard from the distance were bright green and had glowing, haunting eyes. Suddenly, the angrier of the two spotted the baby human and ran towards him. Dib tried to hide behind some wiring but it was too late. The skinny, annoyed looking alien wrapped an arm around his torso, scooping the boy into his arms and securing him against his chest.

"Look what you have done now Skoodge. Now you have involved an Native's smeet. We must return him immediately."

"B-b-but, maybe you could do experiments on him-"

"Nonsense! He is much too young. We would not get very good data from him. Besides, I am no longer a scientist. I am an invader. Data means nothing to me. Now, prepare the beam. You must have pushed the button for the beam during your episode of incompetence..." The annoyed being scolded. So if the plump individual was Skoodge, the frustrated one must be Zim.

"Sorry Invader Zim..." The larger alien whimpered. Dib held onto Zim's shirt, a little worried about what was going to happen to him. He could feel the lanky, green man sigh at his action and felt a gloved, three-fingered hand gently stroke his back. It was similar to how his father held and secured him. Dib relaxed himself and snuggled his head against the thin chest. He heard Zim let out a soft chuckle at his actions, but he did not care. The dark-haired infant felt so safe and secure, as if he belonged in this strange embrace.

He did not even feel Zim walking until he noticed that that he was in the same place he found himself earlier on the ship. Zim held him up so that they were eye level.

"Some day tiny creature, we will meet again. But under much harsher circumstances. Be prepared for destruction you have never seen before..." The alien that appeared kind earlier soon flashed an expression of pure evil. Dib squirmed uncomfortably. "You will watch your family, your land, and your whole planet beg for their lives before me. And if I feel generous... I just might let them live. But not likely. Be prepared for that day!" Zim laughed maniacally and soon Dib felt the warm light take him back to his room.

Every night, the baby would listen through his father's receiver for any transmissions that spoke of attacks on Earth. Yes, Dib would be prepared and he would make sure to stop all the little, green men.

* * *

Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing! I really do appreciate it. :) I'm also honored that people actually add this to their favorites and alerts list. Invader Zim is surprisingly hard to write. Hahaha...


	19. Prustria or PruAus

Title: Prustria or PruAus

Rated: T

Summary: GIR's OTP is PruAus and acts it out using Dib and Zim.

Word Count: 1901

* * *

GIR was not nearly as busy now that his master's plans to take over the world were at a halt. This caused the wacky, mechanical man to get bored; it was to the point not even his _Angry Monkey _show would not satisfy him anymore.

It was this boredom that caused the robot to look for entertainment on the Internet, and his discovery of a bizarre, popular, animated series called _Hetalia: Axis Powers_. He loved all the characters and their personalities, but the ones that he was particularly drawn to were Prussia and Austria. GIR loved Prussia because it reminded him of Zim, especially on those lonely nights when master locked himself in the lab and worked. As for Austria, it reminded the silver man of the bigheaded boy. The personified country looked similar to Dib, but the way the Prussia and Austria opposed and poked fun at each other reminded GIR of Zim and Dib.

He would search for more episodes and web comics based on the two, but GIR was thoroughly disappointed when there was not that many dedicated to them. But when he read the Christmas comic that ended with Prussia and Austria in the same room together, both sleeping and without their clothes, the mechanical man squealed. He bounced around the room excitedly and the gears inside his body were turning faster.

Why was he feeling this way seeing them like that? What does it mean? GIR then searched the trusted Internet for an answer and he discovered the term OTP, or One-True-Pairing. How the sight of seeing them fight made his mechanical heart race, when they thought of each other and blushed made him giggle, and when there was a scene that implied they Prussia wanted to see Austria naked, he could almost explode. He sought out fan art on the two characters; his eyes trying to absorb and store all the details. But when the robot discovered fanfiction... he was hooked. His favorite story? Why, an Alternate Universe fanfic titled _The Artist in Salzburg_...

But it was uncomplete and abandoned, and when he looked at the author's profile it was stated that anyone who wished to continue the story may do so freely...

"GIR! Where are you? I need to do some diagnostic tests on you." His master called. And suddenly the robot got an awful idea... an awful, horrible idea. He went to Zim's side and performed all the tests. The green alien was surprised at the robot's quiet behavior, but did not protest it. But as the mechanical man hushed his voice, his thoughts were racing with ideas. GIR wanted to write the story to continue, and he knew how he wanted it to end. But how would he continue it? The robot had no patience for writing or drawing, and those were the only mediums that he knew how to express his love for his OTP.

The alarm rang.

"An intruder!" GIR looked up at the ceiling and pointed out that Dib was trying to plant another camera in the base. The human accidentally dropped the device and tried to leave, but the S.I.R unit used his mechanical arm to capture the brunette.

"Good work GIR!" Zim declared in shock. GIR's eyes turned red and then he then pushed a button that released a cage that captured the loud-mouth alien. "What the? GIR! Release me!" But instead, the mechanical man threw Dib inside the cage with Zim and quickly grabbed the video camera. The two watched in horror as the robot grinned and laughed madly. GIR abruptly stopped and then mumbled something about making costumes and and sets.

"Zim, what is going on?" Dib growled.

"How should I know Dib-filth?" The Irken sighed.

"It is your robot-dog-thing! Do something!" All of a sudden, the room was filling with gas and before both of them could protest they became unconscious. GIR grinned.

The next time Zim woke up, he was sitting in a comfy chair. He heard the engine of a train, and could see other passengers. He saw the ugly woman who lived next to them, a couple of strangers that he saw a couple times walking home from Skool, and a couple of animals. They all sat casually on the train, talking but the alien could not pinpoint a single word in any conversation. Zim scratched his head, wondering what was going on. When he examined his hand, he saw white strands that innocently got tangled around his three fingers. White hairs? He looked at himself through the reflection of the glass and indeed, he had sprouted short, white hairs. Not only that, but he saw that his contacts were now a bright red, and Zim's Irken uniform had been replaced by a common white T-shirt and jeans.

"What is this?!" He shouted. Suddenly, he felt an electric current run through him and he heard the angry growl that sounded like GIR. "GIR! What are you doing?! Obey your master!" Another shock ruptured through him. How was the robot doing this? Not wanting to get shocked again, Zim sat back on the seat he found himself on and tried to regain his strength.

"You're Gilbert, and you're tired about having a secret affair with Roderich. You fell in love with him and want to escape to the only place you escape to, despite it being the first time you met him. Roderich is at the opera with his fiance, but when his parents and his fiance tell him that he needs to follow his heart, he's going to get on the train and meet you there."

"And who is Rod-er-ich?" Zim asked, but dreadfully knew the answer.

"Bighead!" Oh joy... "Now you have to look sad! Please master, I don't want to shock you again." Zim immediate sighed and put an obvious frown on his face (it wasn't very hard to do), which made the robot squeal in delight.

"Hehehe! My feels!" GIR cried out.

Meanwhile, Dib was waking up to the sounds of an opera and joyous clapping. The brunette saw that to his right was a beautiful, older woman and behind him was a nice, elderly couple. Wasn't he just in Zim's base? What happened? And who were these people?

"Roderich, you silly man. How could you fall asleep during an opera? You love them." The lovely woman asked Dib. The preteen looked around and saw no one that she could possibly be talking to except him.

"What are you talking about? My name is- Gyah!" Dib cried out as he was shocked.

"Mary! Ma-ary! You're Roderich, and you have been having an affair with my master, who is Gilbert. You fell asleep because you found the opera boring and want to be with him, despite your relationship only being booms-in-the-bedroom! You're with your fiance and parents, but they'll tell you that you need to go to the man you love. When they say that, you have to go to the train station and get on the train to Salzburg!" Figures the robot-dog would be behind this mess. Dib sighed and rubbed his tingling limbs to calm them down.

"GIR, I don't really want to do- hey!" Dib yelled as he felt the surge of electricity again.

"YOU WILL DO IT!"

"Okay! I will..." The scythe-haired boy sighed. He looked at his "fiance" and said he doesn't know why he was sleeping.

"You need to go to him, don't you?" She said with slight tears in her eyes. He felt a strong hand from the old man behind him and heard his deep voice say "We understand son. Love cannot be tamed." Dib nodded calmly, but couldn't help but think in his mind that their dialogue could not get any cheesier. He ran out of the opera theatre, and conveniently the train station was just across the street from it. He went in and took a seat on the train.

"Okay GIR, I've done what you asked me. Now can I go home?" He heard the silver-colored man giggle.

"No silly! You have to go to a garden and give my master a big smooch, to show how much you love each other..." Dib heard the robot dreamily sigh.

"What?!" Dib gasped in horror. Kissing Zim? Why would he do that? He was pretty sure that was at least in the top five nightmares that he prayed to never experience. Gross... kissing a green, maniacal alien...

"Yup! With the tongues and bad touching!" Oh lord! Dib groaned and banged his head against the glass, but was once again punished by the all-powerful GIR.

"Ow!" He cried.

"You're the pretty one! Don't do that to yourself..."

It was a pretty quiet ride. Dib only sat on the train for ten minutes approximately, and got onto the platform. He looked around for whatever park or garden the alien's minion wanted him to go, and saw a series of arrows that were on the ground. The preteen followed them, noticing that everyone that was near him made room for him so that he could navigate easily through them. It was a bit tedious to do all this walking (since the robot clearly had control of this... domain, but he did not want to question it in fear of pain. He reached a wonderful garden full of flowers, trimmed bushes, and marble statues and saw a white-haired, green-skinned boy sitting on the ground with a bored expression on his face.

"Uh... hey..." Dib spoke. Why was Zim dressed like that?

"Yeah..."

"I um..." Both of them could hear GIR shaking with excitement.

"So did you-"

"Yes, I know Di- I mean Roderich." The foreigner sighed. He rose to his feet, so that he and Dib were face to face. They could hear the faint whispers of "Kiss, kiss, kiss!" They gulped. The walked closer to each other, so now they were right in front of each other. Zim leaned in slightly close to Dib's ear and whispered "Is this really the only way?" It was so faint that the human almost did not hear it (probably to makes sure that GIR did not hear them). Dib sighed and put his hands on the alien's shoulders to prepare himself for the humiliation.

"Yes..." And they leaned in. They inched closer, feeling the ghostly-feeling of the other male's breath on their flushed faces. It was until Zim could not take anymore and swooped in. Their lips barely touched when GIR yelped in glee. The pulled away immediately and saw the world around them melting. They wanted to run, but felt their limbs fixed in place. Soon, they were transported to two chairs in the lab. They saw that they had helmets on their heads, which connected them to GIR's world and caused the electric shocks that the robot dealt them.

"Well, um... we can just forget about this, right?"

"I'm sure not going to boast about this!" Zim snapped. Dib nodded and ran outside.

But for some reason, both of them could not help but like the tingling sensation they felt on their lips.

* * *

Thank you to everyone who is reading, adding this to their favorites, and reviewing! I really am glad that everyone likes them. Won't be updating as fast this week because I am in the Philippines with my family (if you could not already tell). :)

Also, that bad fanfic that GIR is talking about is one of mine that is discontinued. While I am getting into Prustria/PruAus again, I don't think I will continue it because my old writing style is just so... terrible! Hahaha. Maybe if I rewrote the whole thing I could, but as it is now and try to continue it from there... it's really bad!


	20. Detention

Title: Detention

Rated: T (Swearing by Zim)

Summary: Zim makes sure that he shares detention with Dib so they can be together.

Word Count: 2,100

Since a couple of people seem to like "Thoughtless, Horrible ZADR" should I rename it? I don't want to be rude to those of you who like high school, alternate universes.

* * *

Zim could no longer take it. He had been fighting it for months, and kept daydreaming every day with his obsession reappearing in them. It was time for the alien to take drastic measures. It was time to take charge!

The green foreigner sauntered into Ms. Bitter's office unannounced. After staying on the planet for three months, Zim had found out that Ms. Bitters was actually an alien just like him that crashed onto Earth several years ago.

She landed in a different part of the United States (Roswell, New Mexico apparently), and at first could not find the technology to repair her ship. Gradually over time, she came to like the miserable planet for she found the corruption and darkness strangely beautiful and no longer wished to get back to her planet. Because they were both aliens, they had grown a weird bond of sorts. Despite how much she disliked Zim (Ms. Bitter's antisocial personality made her hate everyone), she did favor him compared to most students.

"Sir!" Zim frantically spat as he sat down in the desk in front of Ms. Bitters. The bright-colored male anxiously kicked his feet around as he waited for his teacher to respond.

"Zim, don't you know how to knock?" She scolded

"Of course I do," Zim blinked. "Is this a trick question?" The mentor shook her head.

"You are so obvious that they don't suspect you." Ms. Bitters growled.

"Huh?"

"Never mind, just tell me what you want. I'm a very busy woman." Zim frowned. Perhaps she would be not cooperate for what he wanted to do.

"I have a... problem... Actually, it is a major one and I think only you can help me." Zim fidgeted. Ms. Bitters cocked an eyebrow at the other alien. The green male blushed and blurted out quickly "I think I'm falling in love!" The old woman blinked, surprised a bit by that information but quickly the usual scowl appeared back on her face. Why was this her problem?

"So what do you want me to do about it shortie?"

"Hey! When I bring Earth to my Tallest, they will be so grateful that they shall knight me as _Almighty Smallest_!" Zim quipped. Ms. Bitters only rolled her beady eyes in response. The green alien sighed and got up to pace. He rapidly moved back and forth across the width of the classroom, shaking his head. The repetitive action started to annoy the other being not from Earth, and she hissed in irritation.

"This wasn't supposed to happen sir!" Zim groaned as if he were a child that was accused of stealing cookies from the cookie-jar. "I do not know why it happened; it just did! I cannot get this person out of my head and... it is driving me to madness! Perhaps I am... but I know I am way too brilliant for that to be happening. Ms. Bitters, do you think I am going crazy?" The teacher sighed and asked the alien what was making the alien feel this distressed. "I think that I may be... falling in love with a human."

"Yes." She said without any hesitation.

"Yes what?"

"Yes, you are going into madness." Zim groaned and hid his face in his hands.

"I knew it! I knew it! You have to help me or... or... put me out of my misery!" The elder extraterrestrial sighed.

"So who's the unlucky twerp?" She said in a bored tone.

"I did not say it was a stinky, Earth-child."

"Who is it?" Ms. Bitters dared to ask. The shorter alien bit his lip.

"Sir, why-uh... why would you need to know who I am in love with?"

"If you want my help, then you need to tell me. I'm not going to help you unless I can at least make fun of you for your misfortune." The taller individual smirked. Zim glared at the slender mentor but did not feel he could conquer this problem on his own. The little, green foreigner sat himself down (to make sure he did not hurt himself if he were to faint) and took a deep breath.

"Okay... it _is_ a filthy, ugly, human child. I don't understand why. They're unacceptable even by human society's standards, and troublesome to not only I, but everyone else. I cannot believe I have not exploded from the audacity of it..." Zim sighed in defeat.

"It's not Keef is it?" Ms. Bitters and Zim shuddered in disgust.

"No!" He frowned. "Never, ever, would I fall for a human so pathetic!"

"It is not that horrible, stupid boy Melvin?" The bright-skinned being grimaced in horror. Ms. Bitters thought a little before her eyes widened in realization. Zim lowered his eyes to hide his shame; he heard the woman make a slight gagging noise before asking "It's... it's Dib, isn't it?" The Irken invader gulped and nodded timidly and slowly. The elder entity slowly sank back onto her chair and looked at the boy with extreme pity. She understood why he was so distressed by the situation. Falling for a human male that was rejected by most of society despite his obvious superior intelligence because of his insanity and awkward behavior sounded like a wretched fate.

"But I do have an idea!"

"Oh great..."

"If you give the Earth-Monkey and I detention together, I shall be able to speak to him privately without having to put on a front of villainy!" Ms. Bitters looked at Zim as if he magically turned into a donkey before her eyes.

"No, I will not give you detention so that you can mate with a human."

"I do not want to mate with him! Ew, disgusting! I only wish to... express my feelings to the Dib-thing." The green teen mentioned.

"I said no Zim! Understand?" The shorter entity huffed and marched toward the door.

"Fine sir, if you won't give me a detention then I will have to earn it myself!" He announced before opening the door forcefully.

"No Zim, wait!" But before Ms. Bitters could stand up and discipline the stubborn alien, her door slammed shut. "Darn him... that troublesome fool is going to cause even more unwanted trouble in my classroom. And to think, he is an invader from the Irken Empire..."

The next day, Dib Membrane trudged into class with a heavy frown. The preteen was having a bad day. He had a horrible nightmare about losing to Zim, tripped on the stairs and landed on Gaz (which resulted in a brutal punch to the gut), barely had any breakfast since their father forgot to buy more cereal, got a box of disgusting, rotting meat on his doorstep (obviously from Gretchen) that he had to get rid of in order to not piss off his sister, and got hit in the head by a baseball from some little kids that were playing in front of the Skool. Dib snorted when he sat down on his seat. The scythe-haired boy kept his eyes half-open and sighed. All he wanted to do was listen, and just block out the world for a while.

Zim had a beaming grin plastered on his face and strutted into the classroom; he was determined. But the ebony-haired preteen did not seem to notice, and it angered the green alien. The flamboyant foreigner glanced back at Dib once he sat down, and the younger male did not even sneak a peak at Zim. He scowled lightly at the lack of attention, but then realized the object-of-his-affections appeared sad.

"Hm... well, if all goes accordingly, perhaps I'll be the one kissing that frown goodbye..." Zim thought to himself. He grabbed a small, pink ball of sludge, that was slowly growing in size. He had learned a lot from his gigantic blob that ate Tallest Miyuki. The pink substance would explode once it was thrown, causing a large mess within a five feet radius. Zim and Ms. Bitters looked at each other; the green one smirking while the tall, slender figure looked displeased. Making sure that the elder extraterrestrial was watching, the Irken tossed the pink blob. It landed on Dib's desk and exploded, covering the glasses-wearing preteen and the three students sitting closest to him in thick, pink goo.

"Urgh!" Dib groaned. Soon the whole class was laughing and Ms. Bitters stood in front of his desk.

"Dib, today you will have detention after Skool with me and you will be scrubbing the glue off the ceiling." She announced in an annoyed voice. Zim smirked, waiting for the same punishment but all the elder entity did was return back to her desk. The nerve of that woman! Zim hated being denied of what he wanted. It was just not right.

Zim scowled and huffed. He will get his way...

Dib growled and excused himself to go to the bathroom to wash-up, along with the three other students that were covered in the slush. The dark-haired boy walked by the invader's desk and glared intensely at the alien.

"Childish pranks Zim? So low..." And walked toward the door. No, he needed to tell Dib how he felt during detention for any other time would not allow such talking.

"Ms. Bitters, why are you such an ugly, disgusting, cunt-bag?" Everyone froze. The scythe-haired preteen's eyes bulged behind his glasses; everyone turned to Ms. Bitters who cocked an eyebrow at the alien's misbehavior.

"I'm a very old woman." She calmly answered.

"Does this mean that you have the ability to induce projectile-vomiting in even the healthiest of individuals due to these traits? But then again, I guess it does not surprise me. I always imagined that you were a bitch-fag that never had a decent fuck in her life because you were so undesirable." Dib flushed and quickly leaned toward Zim.

"What are you doing?!" Dib snapped in a quiet voice. The green man ignored him.

"Zim, I am warning you... one more outburst-"

"So are you a cock-sucker or titty-fucker? It would not surprise me considering you never act or present yourself in a feminine fashion. Plus, being a dyke would explain why your an unhappy, single, lonely shit-prick." Ms. Bitters scowled. Everyone could see the elderly woman shaking with boiling anger.

"Detention Zim!" She yelled. "You shall have detention with Dib, scrapping for practically eternity at the ceiling. I hope you're happy with yourself..."

"Yes, yes I am." Dib was so confused.

Later, after the last lecture of the day, all the students except Dib and Zim left. Ms. Bitters gave them two ladders and ordered them to work while she got something to eat.

"Well Zim, I got to give you _some_ credit. I have no idea what you're planning now that you got us both detention." The ebony-haired preteen admitted.

"It is almost complete." Zim confidently said. "Phase one of my plan is done. Now it is time for phase two."

"Uh, phase two?" Dib awkwardly asked.

"Phase two is to... well, what you humans call _seduction_." The lanky alien grinned. Dib's jaw dropped and unconsciously started backing up against the wall farthest from the foreigner. Zim followed after him with a predatory stare; his hands out and ready to hold down his prey. Before the honey-eyed boy could punch Zim across the jaw, he felt the aggressive alien shove those green, smooth lips over his. Dib struggled and twisted his body around to squirm away from the other male, but he could not deny the climbing feeling of delight inside him. This was disgusting, wrong on too many levels to count, and they hated each other.

He felt a sneaky, thin, gloved hand reach under his shirt. The cool, protective material brushing against his skin made him shiver. The action made Dib drop his guard and allow Zim to snake his rough, worm-like tongue into the preteen's mouth. He could feel the alien groaning once their muscles made contact, but he was not sure if it was due to pleasure or pain. Just as the younger male was about to give into the moment, Zim pulled away. The green creature's mouth had smoke coming out of it, but the burns sustained from Dib's saliva did not seem to bother the Irken.

"Stay away from me..." The brunette glared at the invader, but knew his desire made his words weak.

Zim wickedly smiled as he leaned in again.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed it!


	21. Born only from Magic

Title: Born only from Magic

Rated: T

Summary: Zim goes to the _Love of God_ that resides in the mall.

Word Count: 1,540

Author's Note- Sequel to Science of Love.

* * *

The green alien marched in the cold snow, hissing at the slight amount of moisture that seeped his thick boots. But he had to endure the pain. He had an important mission. It was humiliating, disgusting, horrendous, and belittling to the invader, but Zim had to accept what was happening to him. Apparently the humans' science to falling in love was accurate… maybe not for their actual race (because they were so incompetent) but for Zim, their techniques worked… It was horrible to admit, but the Irken was having inappropriate thoughts about the human child. He imagines in his daydreaming conquering the Earth and having the Dib-filth at his side. The images would soon change to them holding each other close, and Zim would look into those intense, beautiful eyes that were exotic amber in color. Such a rare hue in his world, and those orbs would fascinate the alien until he did not realize that his lips were ascending up to meet Dib's thin, pink ones.

Zim shuddered. He could not get distracted now. After watching a marathon of cartoons with GIR, he saw a commercial. It was a dark store that was opening in the mall, and it was a man with wavy, blonde hair and dressed in fancy, ruffled clothing. He said in with a strange accent that he was the _God of Love_ and could make anyone's dreams come to life with his magic. Zim at first huffed at the idea, thinking it was nothing but another scam that the paranormal-obsessed Dib would fall for but then saw the genius. The stupid human was probably brain-damaged in some way (such head swelling was quite uncommon in the human's species), and perhaps this magic would be the key to his success when it came to possessing Dib's… feelings (love was still too awkward for the alien to say to himself).

The bright-skinned foreigner reached the mall, pushing through the holiday shoppers and fools that dared to stand in his way. He shoved past all of them rudely, until he reached his destination. It was a quaint, little shop in the corner that was advertising a sale on talismans and other (probably fake) devices to ward off or fight evil. To the little, green man's surprise, Dib was there browsing the talismans. He stared at the focused human for several minutes until he shook it off and proceeded into the back of the store. There was a black curtain that had in gold glitter _God of Love_ and _Enter if you Dare_. Zim rolled his eyes at the words and pushed through the fabric with no hesitation.

"My, my, what an interesting specimen you are my child. You have such beautiful, radiant, green skin and such large, lavender eyes…" The blonde from television greeted. Zim could not help but smile at the compliments.

"Yes, yes, I am great but I am in need of your services." The alien said before taking the empty seat in front of the mysterious stranger. For some reason, the man appeared more intimidating in person than on the screen.

"But of course, only the most desperate and unfortunate of souls come to me!" The magician said dramatically. "You poor thing, tell me your desires and I will use my powers to make sure that it comes true…" He purred and took Zim's right hand. The elder male kissed the back of it, making the alien feel uncomfortable. The extraterrestrial sincerely hoped he did not fall for a pedophile's trap.

"Yes…" Zim pulled his hand away. "You say that you are the God of Love, and I… what is the price for love?"

"Love? You're so young to ask for such a tall order, aren't you?" But the man shrugged and smiled. "But you seem like a delight. I will tell you. Love is a complex thing, and the first thing you need to purchase love is the payment of devotion, quite a bit of time, a good chunk of your freedom, and all of your sanity." Zim blinked. What?

"Is this some new form of money that I'm not aware of?"

"No, no, no! Those are the basic ingredients for Love. It is an intense emotion that is born only from magic. But be careful, there is another emotion that is made of the same brew." The blonde male slammed down a glowing, black vial of liquid labeled _Hate_.

"To make sure Love is the one you want, you will have to also buy Affection and Desire. Desire is easy for me to brew, for all it requires is a person's vulnerability and control. Granted, it is never easy for the person buying it." He laughed while Zim grimaced. He could not understand the wacky human, and wondered if this was really a good idea. "But Affection I am afraid, I cannot give you. For you see, all humans are given an equal ration of it when they are born and I cannot produce it myself. The only way you are going to be able to obtain it my dear, alien friend, is to buy it from the human you wish to love." Zim gasped.

"How do you know I am of the Irken Elite? Reveal yourself…" He threatened the man by pulling out a ray gun. The green man pointed the dangerous device at the blonde, but the human showed no fear.

"I am a man of the universe. I am able to see what others cannot." The mysterious man paused to smile. "I have no intentions of turning you in. You are a wonderful individual and to do such a thing would be such a waste. Please visitor, tell me about this person you are in love with. They must be extraordinary if they are able to win the love of an Irken. Irken love is like that of a ghost. There are so many that do not believe in it, because they never had the pleasure to see or experience it for themselves. Please tell me who is this worthy person. I promise that if you tell me, I will throw in Fidelity and Trust for no charge. We both win." Zim looked and saw only honesty and curiosity in the other man's eyes. The alien let him go (somewhat regretting the action) and pondered how much should he reveal. Should he tell him Dib's identity? The young preteen was still possibly shopping in the same store, just ten feet away from them.

"Fine... I will tell you about him. It is a smelly human like yourself, except he isn't that _smelly_." The invader paused to restrain himself from blushing, but it was not working. It was not as if he was speaking as loudly as he usually did and the human did say that he would not reveal his secrets. "I am trained to love only war and carnage. And I still enjoy those things. They propel me through life, and they were the only things I needed. But... this human, he forced himself into my life. He thwarts all of my attempts to destroy this disgusting, dirtball-of-a-planet, and I feel my squeedly-spooch just thinking about it. And yet, I cannot destroy him. The boy is so annoying, and yet the thrill I get by his presence is nothing compared to what I have experienced all of my life. There seems to be nothing in this world that is even close to the excitement I get when we participate in our merry chase. Him hunting me and I trying to regain my ground. Despite his age, he is my equal. There are times that I question whether or not I am just exaggerating this, but I have found nothing in my old life on Irk or my life on Earth that compares to him. It... it is a shame for me to admit this, but I really hope that you can help me because I do not know how to deal with this by myself." The blonde smiled. It was so like the race of aliens; they may not be the most emotional beings, but they could turn something as disgusting as hate into pure love.

"I will make sure that I will do everything I can to make it happen. But I need to know... what is his name Zim?" Zim was about to ask the man how he knew the alien's name and reveal Dib's identity, when someone interrupted and walked in.

"Hello, is this where you can purchase love?" It was Dib. Both boys' eyes met and they blushed. Should they traditionally mock each other or stay silent? Since both were so uncomfortable, they chose silence. The blonde smiled and knew exactly what to do.

"Yes it is. But the price depends on whose love you are purchasing. Some people have a steep price." The brunette flushed a darker red.

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Well, if it is Zim's love, than I believe I can give it to you for free. Granted, as long as you accept my terms. You must treasure it like a fine diamond, and hold it gently like a baby bird." The two boys looked at each other; shock was evident on their faces. Was this true?

"What? But that is impossible! Your human science about love was wrong!" The blonde laughed so hard that tears were forming on the corners of his eyes.

"Oh you silly boys, don't you know? Love is born only from magic."

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Sorry! I accidentally deleted this. Putting it back up now.


	22. Growing

Title: Growing

Rated: K

Summary: Both of them realize that Dib is growing.

Word Count: 796

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Zim sighed as he sat in the chair, waiting for Dib to get finished in the kitchen. The two were having a sleepover, but the stupid human had forgotten his pajamas in his hurry to the alien's house. Because of this, the little, green man had to ask the computer to forge some sleepwear for the forgetful preteen using his measurements.

Unfortunately, those were much too small for him. It was not that Dib was a large boy, but his legs were slightly longer than Zim's and his chest was larger which caused the top three buttons to be unable to connect and the pants appeared like girlish capris. After grumbling about having friends was extremely troublesome, the bright-skinned entity ordered his computer to properly measure Dib and construct the clothes based on those. Once the somewhat sarcastic machine accomplished this, the brunette snuck into the kitchen to change in privacy while Zim and GIR prepared the television for the movie.

The younger male had forgotten how much he had grown since he first met Zim. Seven months after Zim arrived to at his Skool, the lanky boy had sprouted four inches, his knees were constantly aching from his "growing pains" and the timbre of his voice was becoming manlier. Dib wondered where was Zim in terms of his development, but blushed and told himself that the information was purely for the advancement of science!

"Dib, have you finished changing? Are they now the correct size?" The extraterrestrial asked from the couch. Dib finished buttoning the last button on his billowy, pajama top and walked to the entrance of the kitchen.

"Uh, yeah Zim. And they fit me now." The preteen smiled at his friend. The alien did not have to do this for him; he offered to just sleep in his regular clothes but the somewhat annoying being would not allow that. Zim wanted his only organic friend to be as comfortable as possible. "Computer's really amazing. Everything fits perfectly. But do the colors really suit me?" They were a really dark purple with the black, Irken symbol printed all over.

"Yes. I think so. You are Zim's friend, which means you are my property as well. But, you were already better than most humans. As your kind says, it is not the clothes that make the man, but the man that- uh…" Zim paused. Dib was a little confused by the alien's actions. Was the green man about to compliment the boy?

"Your buttons are not done correctly." Zim quickly got up and with his limber hands, fixed the problem. It was so swift, but Dib could hear his heart pound against his rib cage. The extraterrestrial was so close that the human could smell his only friend's breath. It mostly smelled of vanilla (because they just had ice cream) and brown sugar. The aroma was pleasant. Since the rancid, hormone-enriched meat and other processed products never past the being's lips, Zim's breath was very similar to the sugary-sweet, girly lotion that Gaz kept secret in her drawer. "You've…" Zim stopped and stared at Dib with his large, curious eyes.

"I've what?"

"You've grown." So bright… "It is done. This will be the only time that I will adjust your clothes for you. You are growing older, so the least you can do once you reach adulthood is learn how to dress yourself. You smelly human…" The invader lightly mocked. The boy with amber eyes laughed, but abruptly stopped once Zim turned around. Dib looked at the alien's shoulders, absolutely startled by what he saw. Were the alien's features always this small? Or was it because the human had grown? Or had… had the alien adopted this posture once he learned of his _true_ mission on Earth?

_"It appears that I am alone now…"_ Zim's old words echoed in his head. And the next thing Dib could hear buzzing in his head was…

_"Hey, you've forgotten. I'm here."_

He reached his arms out (thankful that they had gotten longer) and hugged the alien from behind.

"Dib?"

"I may not be the Irken Empire, but I will try my hardest for you. Maybe from what you are used to, it won't seem like anything Zim. But I'll get bigger. Perhaps Zim… I will become so big that I will surpass your Tallest and make you see that you're better off without them." The human smiled against the thin back. "So, just wait a little longer, okay?" Despite not being able to see the alien's expression, Dib knew that Zim was smiling.

"Honestly… what am I to do with you Dib-human? All right, I'll make this clear. I do not expect anything from you. But… but I'll wait patiently for you. Do your best Dib."

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Kind of short, but eh, I like it for some reason.


	23. Thankful

Title: Thankful

Rated: K

Summary: Zim and Dib talk about Thanksgiving and it's meaning over piano music.

Word Count: 478

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"So your kind has a holiday that celebrates gratitude over what you have, by eating ravenously to the point of sickness?" Zim asked. Dib shrugged his shoulders.

"Yeah, because it was based on the idea of the first Thanksgiving. The Puritan Pilgrims were having a hard time growing crops in time for the Festival Harvest, and were struggling in general to feed their families. The Native Americans saw their struggles and gave them tips on how to grow crops. The Pilgrims were so thankful for the large harvest that they invited the Native Americans to celebrate it with them with a large feast. But where and when the first Thanksgiving happened is under question to this day due to the lack of documentation." The human explained. The green male scratched his head.

"But why does your kind need a Holiday to overeat? Humans do that everyday!" The Irken pointed out. The scythe-haired boy sighed and shook his head.

"Look, at least you can be thankful that we don't have skool and you don't have to put on your itchy disguise. Now come on, I want to show you something." Dib smiled and led the alien to his favorite spot in the house (besides his room). It was a bare room that held only a grand piano and a long, black bench that could easily seat four people. "My dad finally got me a grand piano after I begged him. He kept saying that my electronic keyboard is enough, but I finally convinced him."

"Why would you want a piano?" Zim pondered out loud.

"To play it for you. Playing piano music might help you get into the Holiday spirit." The younger male sat in the middle and patted on the spot to his left. Zim took the space and watched as Dib lifted the cloth covering to reveal the ivory keys. He could see the dark-haired human's eyes dim and his dexterous hands immediately pressed against the keys. The contrast in the low, haunting notes and the high crescendo made the alien almost shiver. The way Dib swayed his body as he played and how focused he seemed was surprising to the alien. He had seen the youthful preteen channel his focus and passion before, but this moment was so different. So calm… Zim smiled and leaned his head against the lean preteen's shoulder. Slowly as Dib went on, the music quieted down to a whisper. When the playing finally came to a halt, the bright-skinned being put right hand over Dib's left.

"Thanksgiving you said is to celebrate about what you are thankful for, yes?" The amber-eyed boy nodded.

"Uh, yeah Zim. Have you thought of something to be thankful for besides no skool?" Zim swooped in quickly for a kiss. The contact was so brief that Dib wasn't able to react.

"I am thankful for you."

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Cheesy, I know. I am writing another one that I will be posting tonight. Eh, I guess everyone is allowed to have a couple corny oneshots/drabbles.


	24. Weird, Random AU

Title: Weird, Random AU

Rated: T

Summary: Dib is a priest and Zim is on the other side of the confessional.

Word Count: 791

This is so... strange...

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"Oh Father! Bless the greatness that is I, for I have horrifically sinned." Dib cringed. The diction and arrogance made him recognize right away who was on the other side of the confessional. The elder male had been a thorn on his backside, and pestered the young priest for several weeks. Despite his desire to rid the world of ungodly creations, the bright-skinned being was cunning (it did not help that the villagers were also very stupid).

But the worst was when the green male would just hang outside the church and smirk at him. His pink fangs peaking out and dressed in his invader uniform in plain daylight, while Dib did everything he could to ignore the feeling to clench his fists and prepare for battle.

Now the green man (if he could call him that) is on the opposite side of the wooden box. The dark-haired priest smiled. He was thoroughly prepared with several vials of Holy water, a gun with six pieces of bologna shaped into bullets, and a small can of pepper spray. He knew that the other male knew how well armed Dib was, so why did he come into the church? Was he really that ignorant? The scythe-haired priest sighed. He took another deep breath, and moved his collar to make sure that if the alien were to try to bite down on his neck would instead get a splash of Holy water in his mouth.

"_Extraterrestrial_." The priest greeted before adjusting his glasses.

"Huh? No space-man or alien scum? I am surprised by the lack of venom in your words. Perhaps you can act like a proper, smelly priest."

"Why are you here? Shouldn't you wreck havoc on this world as directed by your Satanic rulers?!" Dib snapped. He did not appreciate the alien's comments after everything that has happened between them.

"Do not raise your voice at the almighty Zim!" The wooden confessional shook by the booming power of the Irken's voice. "Now Father, don't you want to hear my confession? It is your job to hear me profess my sins and help me deal with them, isn't it?" Dib rolled his eyes. It was not his job to save those who would never accept the light of God and would only mock his work.

"I did not invite _you_ into this church."

"You did invite me here ever since you became a priest. After all, the church never turns away any soul that is in need. God would never turn away from me and you are a servant of the father, son, and Holy Spirit. You would never disobey them. Plus, even I, as great as I am, need to confess my sins once-in-a-while." Sadly, the annoying invader had a point. The dark-haired male sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Who knows? Perhaps he could save the world from Zim's hellish conquest by making him see the path to righteousness. While this was severely unlikely, anything was worth a shot if it meant peace for all humanity.

"I see. What is your confession visitor?"

"Oh! Yeah… I um…" He could feel the heat of embarrassment coming from Zim's side. "I must confess that while I was busy trying to conquer this stupid planet of yours, I seemed to have grown fond of a certain priest in this parish. At night, when your pathetic kind is in peaceful slumber... I have strange, lustful thoughts about him that will not go away. Do you have any suggestions as to how to deal with this?" _Oh… oh wow…_ Dib could not breathe. Was this… was this some kind of weird test from god? No, this could not be reality.

"Father?" A timid, curious voice from Zim asked.

"Please leave this priest you are having impure thoughts of alone. He has his faith and you must work on reforming yourself." The brown-eyed priest said as calmly as he could. The alien huffed.

"But that is such a boring idea. I knew I shouldn't have come to you for advice. I have a better idea." Immediately, the wall between them burst and he felt the spidery legs from the extraterrestrial's PAK pin him down. The two that were not holding him down were disarming the priest of all of his weapons. Dib tried to release his arms in order to protect himself, but apparently the alien had something else in mind.

"This is cheating! This is… this is wrong!" Dib tried to reason with Zim.

"But you're forgetting Father Dib, I do not follow the rules of your god and do as I please." Oh no…

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Um... not Thanksgiving related at all but hoped you liked it? O_o


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